rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Apparrently, a fellow called Flynt is making a spoof movie about Sarah Palin.

It’s called Nailin’ Paylin and is likely to be NSFW.

Here are some stills:

Apparently the movie is due for release prior to the election.

God Bless America

My buddies at TMZ report:

The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who “will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.” In another scene — a flashback — “young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!”

Kyuk, kyuk…..

insert weapon joke HERE

I’ve saved the best information until last…….

I pledge allegiance.....

…….according to WIKIPEDIA:

The movie will also feature Jada Fire as a spoof Condoleezza Rice and Nina Hartley as Hillary Clinton.

I am WEEPING with laughter.

Remember before the bottom fell-out of the global economy we were all issued a can of guv’ment cheese in the form of a $600 rebate? The idea was that we would spend it immediately and give the US economy the shot in the arm it needed to avoid, ahem, total collapse.

Well it seemed like a good idea at the time

If you have yet to spend it then, A. It’s your fault we are in this mess; and, B. Congratulations! You are now in a position to take advice from distinguished investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber, of  gloomboomdoom.com.

Dr. Marc Faber outside his home in..... Thailand, of course.

Dr. Faber, who has written for such respected business publications as Fortune and Forbes, is an economist with ideas that could not be called mainstream. Here is his advice on your rebate:

“The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US.

I’ve been doing my part…..”

There you have it. He has a PhD, so you can trust him.

Get to work.

Many of us in the rivercityvibe community have little love for Democratic attack dog James Carville.

But the redneck in all of us will appreciate this:

Aware, as always, that we have readers all over the world (including Tuvalu) and that they might have problems with Carville’s Cajun accent, I translate here:

“Absent some unforeseen circumstance, he [McCain] can call the dogs in, wet the fire and leave the house. The hunt’s over.”

[NOTE: Carville’s alma mater is Louisiana State University (LSU). What’s special about LSU?

Nothing at all.

Except for they lost to the Gators, Saturday.

If you would like to read about it, there’s a nice article in yesterday’s Washington Post, entitled, Gators Easily Take out Tigers

Geaux Gators!]

You will recall my despondency at the latest twists and turns in the Britney Spears trainwreck. I bemoaned the fact that she used to be UNBELIEVEABLY hot, but lately, I wouldn’t have touched her with yours…..

Well, there have been some developments. Unless I receive proof within the next 24 hrs that the following video was possible only through alien abduction and changeling substitution, I am putting Britney back on the Bedside List.

Near the bottom, to play it safe.

Nice one, Britney. Now stay away from Starbucks and let’s keep this going.

You will no doubt be aware that October 26 is World Zombie Day. No? Well that makes all of us. Apparently, it is on this day that “fans of Zombie culture” get together and roam around the place dressed as zombies for charity. Needless to say some of these well-intentioned weirdos live in Jacksonville and have a web presence here.

"This is my Pirate Day costume, too."

I was most struck by the zombie etiquette page , one particular clause seems…ahem…limiting:

Please no alcohol. The walks are generally outside and we do not want anyone getting arrested for public intoxication. Alcohol will be served inside licensed establishments during pub crawls or after parties. Please bring multiple forms of ID since zombies may look younger in make-up. No drugs.

That’s right, they’re doing this sober.

If this floats your boat, give it a whirl. If you fit the usual profile of a rivercityvibe reader, please resist the urge to mock. It’s for charity.

*actual lyric from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, amazingly.

Spotted in LA two days ago, rivercityvibe favorite, accomplished actress Lindsay Lohan…….

This madness must end.

I do not know how I have missed this. I can only assume that the excitement of Sarah Palin’s visit caused me to overlook it in the reports submitted by my  covert  assets around the globe. It appears, thanks mainly to those pesky mortgage-backed securities everyone has been botting on about, that the nation of Iceland is about to go bankrupt.

Not to be confused with Greenland....

That’s right. We are not talking about “a venerable Wall Street institution”, or a “leading investment bank” here, we are a talking about a first-world nation going tits-up as a result of it’s investment strategy. And here’s the poser – where could a possible government bail-out come from, if the government itself is bankrupt?

Riddle me that one, Batman.

Some of the people of Iceland

It appears that the assets of the Icelandic banking system, which they stand to lose in toto, are nine times Gross Domestic Product. Understandably, the cool-named Prime Minister of Iceland, Geir H. Haarde, is not having a good week. Addressing the people of Iceland, he sounded slightly more miserable than Winston Churchill in the darkest days of 1940:

If there was ever a time when the Icelandic nation needed to stand together and show fortitude in the face of adversity, then this is the moment. I urge you all to guard that which is most important in the life of everyone of us, protect those values which will survive the storm now beginning. I urge families to discuss together and not to allow anxiety to get the upper hand even tough the outlook is grim for many. We need to explain to our children that the world is not on the edge of a precipice and we all need to find an inner courage to look to the future.

Let me remind you, he is talking about the same financial crisis as the one we are facing.

On a more positive note, Iceland does boast insanely hot women many of whom are already morally bankrupt. Check this out:

Icelandic Girls Get Busy In Reykjavik – The best bloopers are a click away

Result!

Much the same as in Johnny Drama’s 90210 condo, Joe Bones’ 32210 home sports a copy of Variety on the coffee table. I find it useful for keeping up with the activities of the various movers and shakers out west and I trust their movie reviews which have an ‘insider’ feel to them.

Variety’s review of Oliver Stone’s “W.” is out today and although not what you would call glowing, it whets the appetite for what is, clearly, going to be a HILARIOUS treatment of our President’s eight-years at the helm.

Remember, this is an Oliver Stone movie. Can we say Platoon? Natural Born Killers? Born of the Fourth of July? The fucking Doors?!   It cannot be dismissed the way we routinely dismiss the lard-ass Moore‘s lame propaganda efforts. Variety says:

Opening with a post-9/11 cabinet meeting in the Oval Office in which the phrase “axis of evil” was concocted, then jumping back in time to begin a procession of key events in the life of a privileged party boy with something to prove, Stone and his “Wall Street” scenarist Stanley Weiser position the film, above all, as a father-son story. Long uncertain what his role in life is meant to be, the young George W. is severely chastised by his patrician father for his wayward behavior — “What do you think you are, a Kennedy?,” blares George Sr. (James Cromwell) after one of his son’s drunken escapades — but is nonetheless always let off the hook and given another chance by his father…..

In case you can’t tell, I am really looking forward to this. Apparently Richard Dreyfuss plays Dick Cheney to a ‘T’. Her’s the trailer:

Go and see it. It is out October 17, 2008. If you are going to see it at AMC Orange Park, please take the usual precautions.

Sarah Palin’s visit to Jacksonville has been declared a success, with Jacksonville Landing crammed to capacity by zitty little young republicans in bow-ties and grungy unhygienic democrats chanting and hoisting placards. The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office estimate the crowd to be around 10,000. This turnout is all the more remarkable when one compares it to ol’ Maverick’s showing when he came to Jacksonville.

Seems he’s missing a certain something when it comes to drawing the crowds. My money would be on “a rack”. Here’s how many Jacksonvillians showed up to see the hero of Truc Bach Lake recently:

Hello...o...o

Our favorite Vice Presidential Cougar Candidate totally owns his ass. Only, Joe Biden, the Red Skelton of presidential campaign politics, is stopping Mav from becoming the laughing stock of the 2008 campaign.

Pwned!!

Various reports have reached me that rivercityvibe favorite, and accomplished actress, Lindsay Lohan is considering children. When I first heard this news I was, to put it mildly, panicked. Had she thought through the potential physical consequences of birthing and nursing a child? Do her fans get a say in this at all?

(*Actually, my first thought, was to fall back on my training and issue the emergency cry of “STILL!” in which all concerned must freeze in place and make no moves until the danger is cleared and the crisis passed. Some readers will be familiar with this. 99.77% of you won’t).

Then I remembered that Lindsay is a Lesbian these days (Phew!) and is considering following in  the footsteps of her Hollywood brethren and merely purchasing a child from impoverished third world parents. Preferably already potty trained.

Relax. They are safe.

So that’s all right then. Crisis passed.

Hope remains alive…….