rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I appreciate quality in all things. Part of my mission with rivercityvibe (and it is a mission – with a unifying purpose, rehearsals, synchronizing of watches – the whole lot) is to highlight quality to the faithful. That’s what I am doing here, with perhaps the best example of vocal range, control and singing talent I have ever seen. It’s Chrissie Hynde singing Radiohead’s classic Creep. Grip your ADHD by the balls and watch the whole thing. You’ll be better for it:

The peculiar karaoke lyrics are annoying, aren’t they? But most would agree – that is pretty fucking awesome. I saw The Pretenders live about eight years ago. Chrissie had just been married for the third time, to a Colombian guy who she brought on stage and announced to all that she only married him for the quality coke he had access to…….

It didn’t last. The marriage, I mean. Don’t know about the coke.

Gemma Atkinson, of course. What she lacks in style and grace she more than makes up for with….rack.

Not a German

Gemma is a Brit – an ally of ours whenever the Germans get restless. It’s nice to have non-German hottie for once. To balance the Bundchens and the Klums.

The usual source tells us,

Since 2006, she has appeared in FHM’s 100 Sexiest List, debuting at number 32 in 2006; following her appearance on the cover of FHM, she moved up to 23 in 2007; and in 2008, she rose again to number 18.

Now she has been featured in Something for the Weekend she can confidently expect to improve her ranking.

We’re not big on the NBA here in Jax. More a college basketball town. But you’ve got to respect ridiculous skill. Here’s LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers being interviewed for 60 Minutes:

There was something endearing about Corrine Brown’s speech praising the UF Gators. I mean, if it had been Tim Tebow’s grandmother at a family picnic, tipsy on white wine spritzers, it would have been a hands-down success. The fact that it was our elected representative addressing a full house of Congress gives me pause, but it was endearing nevertheless.

It may come as a shock to some readers that there are members of congress that possess no endearing qualities. Among these, there are representatives that are bogus, representatives that are delusional, representatives that are mean, and representatives  so dumb it is breathtaking. Michelle Bachman (R MN) is firmly in the latter category. She is a dangerous idiot, and she is loose on Capitol Hill.

Not so smart.

I realized this when I was DESTROYING my personal trainer on the treadmill at lunchtime, yesterday. I was watching the House Financial Services Committee question Treasury Secretary Geithner on the so-called stimulus plan and witnessed Bachmann asking a question so FATUOUS (good word) that if I was a Minnesotan I would have handed in my driver’s license and moved to North Dakota.

It seems that I am not the only one who noticed this, and Bachmann does it ALL THE TIME!  Talking Points Memo has recorded the facial expressions of some people Bachmann has addressed (including Geithner), at the exact moment she says something SO STUPID that it is barely understandable to anyone with a high school education and up.

TPM calls it the Bachmann Effect. I’d describe it as confusion, slowly giving way to amazement. Check out this video – watch the faces:

She also farms babies.

The trailer for Spike Jonze’s movie version of Maurice Sendak’s classic Where the Wild Things Are is out. If they fuck this up, I swear will lay waste to all around me and rend many things asunder…..

It got me thinking about Wild Things, a movie I remember nothing of apart from Denise Richards‘ chest and her making out with that one girl in the pool. Though I do remember liking it very much during some lonely times. I think the chance of seeing  naked girls making out in Where the Wild Things Are has got to be slim. You never know though – the screenplay has had to be built around the sixteen short sentences of the original book so there’s going to be a fair amount of new material. Fingers crossed! Let’s compare the two trailers:

That was Where the Wild Things Are, by the way. Now for Wild Things:

I am of the opinion that they will both be remembered as classics of their kind……. I’ll only ever own one of them on Blue Ray, though……..

Starring Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Roger Moore and Hardy Kruger, The Wild Geese (1978) is one of the greatest war films of all time. That said, it is nearly RUINED by berets that would shame a Week 1 Recruit (pain alleviated by the wonderful Joan Armatrading):

The global economy is tanking, people are hurting and many are blaming capitalism. Against this backdrop, I received an email warning from Donald Twain, a member of the rivercityvibe faithful who lives in Miami, imploring me to warn my readers to avoid London, England at the end of this month. It appears that the great unwashed are mobilizing on an unprecedented scale to disrupt the upcoming meeting of G20 Finance Ministers.

Difficult to see how this will help, but. hey, it’s shaping up to be quite a spectacle! Civil disobedience is always fun. Especially when viewed from the baseline. Click on this picture of some cardboard Horsemen of the Apocalypse to be taken to the G20 Meltdown site:

Someone's a craft hobbyist (or Kindergarten teacher)

So, there I was, in a $600 silk shirt, $300 sunglasses, $600 Gucci loafers, cruising in a Rolls Royce Phantom, through Central London on the day of the May Day protests.  You might remember the sit-in on parliament square where they put a turf mohawk on Churchill’s statue?  Anyway, I was oblivious to the events of the day – I never read the news, watch TV, or listen to the radio when I’m abroad. This resulted in something of a Louis XIV moment when I found myself face to face with a verminous lynch-mob  of dog-on-a-rope types looking for the nearest  aristocrat to guillotine. I rapidly engaged reverse and J turned the battleship. Naturally I took out a couple of hippies with the car door on the way past  – to calm my nerves…..

He adds,

It is going to kick off in London, next week. You and I are better off in Florida. A friend emailed to say he’d seen a asshole in a convertible 911 turbo this morning heading into the city and had to resist the urge to spark up and hurl one of the collection of Molotov cocktails he’d been saving for the occasion………

I look forward to watching the festivities unfold on TV…….

I thought y’all should know about this immediately:

Another picture on Twitter…..

I went for lunch at Harpoon Louies today. In the parking lot I saw something I have never seen before. Criminally, I was without my camera and I can’t work my ‘phone, which is so advanced it would defeat a NASA scientist. In fact, they do not have technology even close. It’s alien technology (or at least it might as well be).

Anyway, the picture below is not mine, rather it is one I have filched (good word) from the Interweb. It is almost precisely what I saw, though. Down to the color of the truck:

"Truck Nutz"

It’s a scrotum. In chrome. On a truck.

Now imagine the thought process of the genius entrepreneur who decided that the one thing a man could no longer live without was a chrome set of family jewels for his truck. Don’t think too much about it, though. Freudian danger lies that way.

I have since discovered that these charming accessories are all-the-rage in the “country” community. Any number of places online to purchase them and any number of styles – hanging low left or hanging low right, shaved or ball-fro – whatever!

Click here for a pair. I have installed some on my Aston in gold. Ironic.

Update: These are illegal in Florida, apparently.

I like satire. Can you tell? Rainn Wilson lookalike, Ben Folds performs cover versions which, though clever, are fundamentally satirical. Here he is with his classic version of Dr. Dre’s seminal Bitches ain’t Shit:

Anyway, said Folds will be in Jacksonville on Saturday April 4, 2009. The Times-Union are giving away tickets.

I’m going to be there. You?