rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Watching Eve Marie Saint participating in the Oscars (she’s 85 years old) reminds me of one of my top ten favorite pop songs of all times, which mentions her. It’s the incomparable Lloyd Cole and the Commotions and their seminal tune, Rattlesnakes:

Jodie wears a hat although it hasnt rained for six days
She says a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
Shes less than sure if her heart has come to stay in san jose
And her neverborn child still haunts her
As she speeds down the freeway
As she tries her luck with the traffic police
Out of boredom more than spite
She never finds no trouble, she tries too hard
Shes obvious despite herself
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She says all she needs is therapy yeah
All you need is, love is all you need
Jodie never sleeps cause there are always needles in the hay
She says that a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
As she reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
Her heart, hearts like crazy paving
Upside down and back to front
She says ooh, its so hard to love
When love was your great disappointment

Rest assured, faithful,  I will be going to town on the Oscars tomorrow morning. Topics will include the utter assholishness of Seacrest, and Hawn’s milf-rack.

This is Valeria Mazza, in her absolute prime.

Congratulations

This is a young lady who is mother to four children. There names are weird: Balthazar, Tiziano, Benicio and Taina, but with an ass like that, we’ll forgive her…….

Have a good weekend, y’all.

One of the President’s key advisers has announced his intention to leave the administration:

Just easing in to the weekend…….

The new Tarantino movie, Inglorious Basterds may be the best movie ever, going by the trailer. Sure it hasn’t got Sean Penn pretending to be disabled, it’s not about a dog who dies at the end, and it sure as shit has nothing to do with Indian kids winning game shows, but it  is a war film about killing bad guys, mainly Germans.*

*coincidence. Honestly.

The legend that is William Shatner has not been featured nearly enough on these pages. This has been noted by a certain band of blood-related international desperadoes of my acquaintance. They sent their spokesperson to beg me to see reason.

So here’s the Shatman at his drily humorous best (hopefully this will rinse the taste of the god-awful Price Line Negotiator commercials from your mouths):

Next week, Leonard Nimoy.

(Joke)

I was lying in bed this morning, early, drinking tea and watching E!, when I noticed Teri Marie Harrison, a young lady who had hitherto managed to slip below my radar. She’s a former Playboy Playmate and is married to the one guy, from Sevendust.

Here she is (below) presumably modelling Uggs:

Yes, it's SFW. Don't be such a prude.

That was actually the only SFW picture readily available. The usual source tells us more about her:

Her involvement with Playboy began when her best friend encouraged her to send pictures of herself to the magazine. Although she was chosen almost immediately as a Playmate, it was a year before she was assigned a month. She was also the German Playboy Playmate of the Month, for January 2003. According to Teri, her father is German and her mother is Japanese^.

German. As per usual. It’s almost a relief…….

I mentioned how appalled and sick to the stomach I was to see that Johansson had dyed her hair that most delightful of colors, brown.

Well all is well, my children. All is well.

This is the latest Dolce & Gabbana ad. She’s back to normal:

When Joe says jump, starlets ask "how high?"

Thank God that’s over.

A timely reminder that not all plane crashes end in carnage, there”s a new cocktail doing the rounds in New York. It’s The Sully, names after Capt. Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger. It’s two shots of Grey Goose and a splash of water……..

ho ho ho.......

Plenty more where that rib-tickler came from……..

I have been threatening to write about Jax Beach band Veronica’s Veil for ages. I have been waiting for video and at last have found it. Jordyn and Randy have done Jacksonville proud. This is them at Jack Rabbits:

Veronicas Veil – Jack Rabbits

Jordyn’s sister was not there. Shame, as I have big crush on her. More on these legends HERE

This headline is one of my favorite movie quotes of the 90s. It’s from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and is spoken when the trustafarian weed-sellers are raided by real gangsters, armed with a WWII machine-gun.

The rifle in question is an air-rifle and, needless to say, proves ineffectual. At Bones HQ we have all manner of small arms and support weapons, but have never had an air rifle.

Until now.

You see, my folks had given me the gift of money for yoga lessons (this is 100% true, by the way). I went along to Yoga Ananda, but it was closed. Next thing I know, I had blown the money on this:

How do you like me NOW?

It’s the Crosman Phantom 1000 .177 Break-Action Air Rifle with a 4 X 32 Scope and it is FANTASTIC.  I announced the news of its acquisition to my Regular Thing by email, resulting in the following exchange:

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:28 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

I decided Yoga lessons were too ‘unmanly’, so I bought an air rifle as my gift from my mom and dad

---

From: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com

Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:30 AM
To: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

you are the funniest person i have ever known.  I thought you said you wanted to improve your flexibility “to levels previously thought impossible by humans” so we could try that thing?

can you tell me what you are going to do with an air rifle???

---

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:58 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

Deter varmints

I mean, what was all that? Twenty questions? Actually, I (as you know) would never harm an animal. I have bought it for a specific reason which I will share with the rivercityvibe faithful in due course……..

You can buy one here, everyone.