rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I could link this headline in some “ohhhhh, so  clever, you are…” way to the fact that I have not posted for a while. I’ve been busy. First it was Tunisia, then Egypt, then Libya and just as I thought everything had calmed down there was Japan! (By the way, don’t believe the hype. The chance of significant radioactive leakage has to be very slim, yet the risk of a few people  dying seems to have pushed the 2400 who actually did die off the front pages….. I guess the media  considers massive earthquake/tsunami mundane, next to radiological disaster. Remarkable).

Anyway, back to the timing of criminal acts. If you are going to attack someone with a pair of scissors while having your haircut, do it before, or after. Or you’re gonna look a fool in your mugshot:

Modernizing: Mid-Seventies to Mid-Eighties

I harvested this from the fertile fields of The Smoking Gun. If ever there was a site which provided cast-iron proof in support of  Bones Rule #1

I have also qualified this guy  for Assclown of the Week.

I confess to being disappointed by that one guy, Congressman Joe Wilson, from South Carolina who thought it appropriate to call the President a liar in a school-boy heckle on Thursday. Not only is it disrespectful to the American people who vote the President into office, but it also another piece of evidence that Southern Good Manners are in decline. Wilson’s heckle was graceless, rude, and embarrassing, ergo, he is an assclown. An Assclown of the Week, in fact.

For lessons on how to heckle appropriately, Wilson should go to a certain stoner from Toledo. Wonkette has uncovered a great piece of footage of Mayoral candidate Ben Konop (made-up name) being heckled by someone using a technique known to professionals as “Minimal Effort Disruption System” or “MEDS”.

Watch the whole thing. It is seriously funny:

Okay, no surprises this week. Assclown of the Week is that inveterate fuckwit Michelle Bachmann (R) of Minnesota. In a congress crammed to the gills with comedy fools, Bachmann still manages to stand-out like a dog poo on a pool deck.

This week, she weighed in on the Swine Flu debate. Apparently the global (non-) pandemic is the Democratic party’s fault – mostly the President’s.

The eyes. Dead giveaway.

Many have said that Bachmann was just echoing what ol’ fatty Limbaugh had already said. I think there can be no doubt that this elected (how?) official marches to the sound of Rush’s guns. However, she still looked VERY SILLY when she said the following:

“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”

This pointless party-political nonsense makes sensible people of all political hues roll their eyes. It’s bad for America, and when it is inexpertly deployed by the likes of Bachmann, you can actually feel yourself become a little more stupid…….

….particularly since the seventies swine flu outbreak occurred during Gerald Ford’s administration. He was a Republican, FYI.

Nice one Congresswoman. I for one wish you a long and vocal career in politics.

You make it easy for me.

When I first heard of the uproar in New York over an Air Force One lookey-likey flying low over the city for a photo op, I was inclined to dismiss it, citing Bones Rule #3 (“Everyone is outraged about everything. All the time”). This inclination grew stronger when I heard of the reaction of that blowhard Mayor Bloomberg, stamping his feet and snorting.

Then I saw the footage from on the ground:

This brought home to me precisely how visceral the reaction of New Yorker’s must have been. It is the White House and the Pentagon’s responsibility to take this into account and plan for it (a simple public service announcement would have sufficed), but they didn’t, so the man responsible, Louis Caldera, wins rivercityvibe’s Assclown of the Week. Well done, Louis.

Caldera is the Director of the White House Military Office. There have been calls for him to resign, or be fired. Frankly, if the Director of the CIA didn’t resign after 9/11, and the Secretary of Defense didn’t resign after the failure to find WMD in Iraq, there’s probably no case for this. Right? That’s the way we roll, these days? Nobody need resign. Ever.

But he is an assclown, nevertheless.

“Perez Hilton’s” mean-spirited attack on Miss California, who during the Miss USA competition dared to express rather a mainstream view about gay marriage (not one I share, by the way, before the haters get started), is beneath contempt. For this, he is awarded Assclown of the Week.

Of course, I realize what is happening here. The resulting coverage from his tantrum has not only raised the profile of an issue important to him, but has also increased the notoriety that he craves. This converts to unique views of his site, which he can then monetize with advertising. We fell for it, I’m afraid. He is manipulating us all, even me, as a write this. He is an evil Svengali. I can do no other than his bidding……..

Actually, that’s bullshit. I only used the story as an excuse to post this picture of a super-hot Miss California. She was robbed of the title:

Extremist?

I’m going to level with you. I have not the slightest interest in any opinion this young lady might have.

And don’t say that’s sexist.

Because it’s not.

Though I have enjoyed many of his movies (Mad Max, Conspiracy Theory, Lethal Weapon, and, particularly, The Year of Living Dangerously), I have never liked Mel Gibson. He comes over as arrogant, out-of-touch and unpleasant, to me. He always seems to be using his movie-making to promote some kind of nasty personal message, usually playing fast and lose with historical fact to back up his prejudices. He’s not a bad actor, he is just seems to me to have a weird agenda.

And he hates Jewish people. And gays.

In case you need any other evidence, here’s some that’s just turned up. Most would agree that nothing says assclown like a stupid fucking beard and dandruff:

Also, while researching* this,  I came across this awesome website. It’s called Dickipedia (a wiki of dicks) and it is my new favorite thing on the web. No surprise to see Rush and that prick O’Reilly hanging with Gibson there.

(That’s right! Researching! It’s like the New York Times here….!)

Update: His wife thinks he is asshole, too……