rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

It’s Amateurs’ Night tonight. The night where people who do not drink in any meaningful way all year, suddenly start talking about how they are going to “see it through ’til dawn” with some Publix Lambrusco.

I am opting out, as usual. I received a case of Highway 12 Sonoma Valley Merlot (1995) this morning, so I may drink one of those bad boys. I am having Pizza, too and will probably watch a couple of episodes of Magnum  on DVD. Perhaps starting with the Season 7 classic, The People vs. Orville Wright – in which Rick is on trial for the murder of a hitman hired to kill Icepick. You know the one……

Whatever happens, I will be in my wigwam by 10 pm. Tomorrow, though is another day and the party starts in earnest.

Tonight:

Tomorrow:

See you in 2009!

The interweb is alive with individuals celebrating the figure of Ms. Kate Perry. I feel our little community should join them, without delay. Check it:

Very good.

Apparently, she is a singer. Judging by this picture alone, I’d say she has a voice like a nightingale. She is going on the Bedside List, immediately.

I have had a number of emails from people claiming that I am a little bit hard on Germans. I am at a loss as to how you should think this – I do pretty much nothing apart from post pics of INSANELY hot women of German extraction. How can that be mean?

It may have been my references to Simon Weisenthal’s “outstanding projects”, mostly resident in South America, which upset most people. Anyway, I am going to make it up to mein Deutsch freunde, by speaking of Tom Cruise’s latest movie Valkyrie. I am going to see it tonight, parking-lot crime permitting, at AMC Orange Park

It tells the story of the plot by members of the German Army (Heer) to assassinate Hitler and bring to an end the Second World War. It should be feel-good for Germans – a WWII movie in which they are the good guys. Ironically, in this one, as history affirms, they lose anyway.  Here’s the trailer:

It looks awesome, but apparently had a less than stellar opening weekend. Some attribute this to the vicious background feud that has been going on between Tom Cruise and Sumner Redstone. You know how you never hear anything good about Tom Cruise these days? That’s Sumner Redstone’s fault. Even stand-out performances like Cruise’s part in Tropic Thunder barely got a positive mention in the press. That’s Sumner Redstone’s sophisticated communications machine manipulating public opinion to knock Cruise’s reputation. I have my own advanced theory on this, and am waiting for only another couple of pieces to fall into place before I reveal it to the world.

As always, y’all will be the first to know.

Tschuss!

Seriously, have a good one. And word to your mother.

rivercityvibe favorite

Many would agree with me that it is not Christmas without Christmas Vacation. It’s the gold standard of the Vacation movies, and lays out a blueprint that anyone can follow to ensure “the happ, happ, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny fucking Kaye…..”

It’s midday. I have closed down Bones HQ, sent the team back to their countries of origin, stood-up the sentry droids, and am going for a lunchtime beer. I’ll post some more, over the next couple of days…. maybe…..

…but in the meantime, mele kalikimaka, y’all!

Christmas starts here…….

My assets in Hollywood inform me that the internet rumors are correct and Lisa Rinna, the hot-older woman who featured as Johnny Drama’s obsession in an episode of Entourage, is indeed to appear nude in Playboy. It seems people are outraged (everyone is always outraged, about everything) because she is 50* years old and a mother of two.

(that’s sexist as well as ageist, by the way. Haters.)

I am not going to offer an opinion on this development, I am simply going to publish a couple of pics and let the rivercityvibe faithful decide for themselves. Democracy, see?

nice grotto

Pic taken in the Land of Oz, evidently. Lollipop Guild on stand-by.

Apparently, Ms. Rinna was also in a show called “Melrose Place” and another with the even more unlikely name of “Days of our Lives“.

*Actually 45, but that would have RUINED the headline…..

As we slide into the holiday period, it is time to thank the rivercityvibe faithful and share, as a sort of gift, something pretty special. That ‘something’ is Goldfrapp, whose lead singer is reputed to be one of the biggest bitches in the industry, but whose lyrics to one of their most popular songs sum up my feelings about rivercityvibe readers: You’re my Number 1.*

Walk out into velvet
Nothing more to say
You’re my favourite moment
You’re my Saturday

Cos you’re my Number 1
I’m like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I’m like a dog to get you

Sunset only seconds
Just ripe then it’s gone
Got no new intentions
Just right then it’s gone

Cos you’re my Number 1
I’m like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I’m like a dog to get you

I’ll be there to meet you
Getting down to greet you
Howl under the moon

* Not meant in the same sense as you would mean it when asking a child “Do you need a number one or a number two?” when they start squirming……..

Okay, this is the lovely Giselle Bundchen. Yes, that’s right, another boxhead. In future, I will make a point of mentioning a featured lovely’s nationality only in the unlikely event of them NOT being German or of German ancestry.

Nice.

(Before I get any dreary emails, I know she is Brazilian. That does not, however, mean she can’t be German too. A surprising number of “Brazilians” with blonde hair and martial bearing mysteriously materialized after WWII. Have you not read The Boys from Brazil?)

This is an unusual year for me, when it comes to holiday gift shopping. The basics are all sorted – both of my brothers are getting gold-plated Sig-Sauers (and 2000 rounds of custom-made ammunition); mother and father are getting some thousand year-old  Cambodian jade; my personal assistant has already received a crate of absinthe, and my best buddy has a headhunter’s blowpipe and two shrunken heads en route to him by hand of messenger. You would think with those bases covered, I’d be all set, but those of you who have been paying attention know that I have an extra someone to buy for who can’t be fobbed off with a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate.

I am talking about the new Bones in da house.

As a three week old, one would think she’d be difficult to buy for. On the contrary. I have come up with c a couple of cracking gifts which I think she will love. One is serious and sort of commemorative, the other is fun. Both of which, she will have to grow into, but that goes for EVERYTHING in her life, so no biggie.

Gift # 1

This Vintage Cocktail Shaker is available from FM Allen and is the sort of gift she will love when she is 21 years old and just graduating Princeton. It is engraved with her full name, Josephine Cataclysm Bones, and is supremely functional as well as being easy on the eyes. I can also pass it off as a piece of christening silver, if I get any questions from relatives as to the suitability of such a gift for an infant. Suckers!

Gift # 2

The best toy ever?

This, for those introverts who are unaware, is Lego’s Death Star. It is massive, awesome (you get a Lego Darth Vader TIE fighter with it….!) and were my three week old daughter a seven year old boy, would be perfect. I am getting it anyway. For me. That’s how awesome it is.

You’ll be aware of the battle in California between the “gay community” and “the man”. It’s something to do with same-sex marriage and is, by turns depressing and hilarious. I saw this very funny placard on TV just a moment ago, and found it on flickr. It will make you laugh, too, I expect……

That's good material

Check out the sign bottom left – Chickens 1 Gays 0, referring to Prop 2 to do with animal cruelty (which passed) versus Prop 8 concerning same-sex marriage (which didn’t pass). Funny.

I have posts stacked up here like 737s over Hartsfield Airport, right now, including some advice on how to shop for infants and a much anticipated Something for the Weekend. Stay with us, and we’ll be right back after the break……