rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

If you like beer, and don’t mind jogging a little, these comedians could be for you. Describing themselves as a drinking club with a running problem, the Jacksonville Hash House Harriers meet every Wednesday evening, somewhere in Jacksonville, with the express intention of running cross country and drinking beer, simultaneously. I went out with them a month or so ago. It was quite a vibe………..

For a start, they all have noms de guerre which they refer to as “Hash Names”. You have to have “hashed” a certain number of times before you are awarded a “hash name” – before that you are know just by your “nerd name”. I was known as (and referred to throughout) as “Just Joe.” The seasoned “hashers” had names like “Preteen Spirit“, “Inflate-a-Date“, “Aunt Jemima” and (my favorite) “Brown Underpants.” Many of the names went for a puerile, pseudo sexual angle (which, I like ) “Senior Spitizen“, “Crash Test Dildo” and “Cock Jockey.” It might be childish, but it ain’t for kids……..

Their runs (called trails) follow a series of what I can only call runes marked on the sidewalk in chalk. Like this:

strange sigils, portents of doom?

Now I managed to decipher a number of these over our 3.5 mile jog/run. The one that looks like BN, means “Beer Near” and the one at the top, with two circles with dots in (that look like boobs) means “show your boobs” and applies to the female contingent.

And they do.

It appears to be compulsory

The trail is designed with plenty of false routes so that those who want to actually run can go off and identify the right way. Those who want to approach the trail in a more leisurely manner, can follow on behind. Quite smart really.

The whole deal ends with a ritual circle in which songs are sung and drinks are drunk. Crimes on trail include ‘boy scouting’ (helping others), “competitive behavior” (treating it like an excuse to get exercise, rather than an excuse to drink beer), and, I think the worst crime in the Hash Rulebook “wearing new shoes on trail”. All crimes are punished in the circle by the Master of Ritual and the Grand Master of the Hash.

There’s generally some more boob flashing a this stage, too. Though the standard (of boobs) varied, I think the general feeling was that they were all welcome.

Ritual Circle and a 'punishment'

Since I started writing this I have googled “Hash House Harriers” and been BLOWN AWAY by what a HUGE DEAL it is, worldwide. They’re even on Wikipedia. Apparently our local group is the tip of the iceberg and Hash House Harriers trace their origins back to British Colonial Malaya:

Hashing began in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, in 1938, when a casual group of British
colonial officers and expatriates began meeting on Monday evenings to
run…… to rid themselves of the excesses of the previous weekend. This
original group consisted of four members: Cecil Lee, Frederick “Horse”
Thomson, Ronald “Torch” Bennett, and Albert Stephen (A.S.) Ignacious
“G” Gispert. J…..

After meeting for some months…….  A.S. Gispert suggested the name “Hash House Harriers” in homage to the Selangor Club
Annex, where the men were billeted, so named the “Hash House” for its
notoriously monotonous food. The final word, “Harriers,” refers to the
role of those in the chase, where the “hare”
was given a head start to blaze a trail and mark his path with shreds
of paper, and then pursued by a shouting pack of “harriers.” Apart from
the excitement of chasing the hare and finding the “true” path,
harriers reaching the end of the trail would be rewarded with beer, ginger beer, and cigarettes.

God, I like it even more now. Everyone should try it once. Like cross-dressing.  Visit www.jaxh3.com.

The new Tarantino movie, Inglorious Basterds may be the best movie ever, going by the trailer. Sure it hasn’t got Sean Penn pretending to be disabled, it’s not about a dog who dies at the end, and it sure as shit has nothing to do with Indian kids winning game shows, but it  is a war film about killing bad guys, mainly Germans.*

*coincidence. Honestly.

The legend that is William Shatner has not been featured nearly enough on these pages. This has been noted by a certain band of blood-related international desperadoes of my acquaintance. They sent their spokesperson to beg me to see reason.

So here’s the Shatman at his drily humorous best (hopefully this will rinse the taste of the god-awful Price Line Negotiator commercials from your mouths):

Next week, Leonard Nimoy.

(Joke)

I was lying in bed this morning, early, drinking tea and watching E!, when I noticed Teri Marie Harrison, a young lady who had hitherto managed to slip below my radar. She’s a former Playboy Playmate and is married to the one guy, from Sevendust.

Here she is (below) presumably modelling Uggs:

Yes, it's SFW. Don't be such a prude.

That was actually the only SFW picture readily available. The usual source tells us more about her:

Her involvement with Playboy began when her best friend encouraged her to send pictures of herself to the magazine. Although she was chosen almost immediately as a Playmate, it was a year before she was assigned a month. She was also the German Playboy Playmate of the Month, for January 2003. According to Teri, her father is German and her mother is Japanese^.

German. As per usual. It’s almost a relief…….

I mentioned how appalled and sick to the stomach I was to see that Johansson had dyed her hair that most delightful of colors, brown.

Well all is well, my children. All is well.

This is the latest Dolce & Gabbana ad. She’s back to normal:

When Joe says jump, starlets ask "how high?"

Thank God that’s over.

A timely reminder that not all plane crashes end in carnage, there”s a new cocktail doing the rounds in New York. It’s The Sully, names after Capt. Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger. It’s two shots of Grey Goose and a splash of water……..

ho ho ho.......

Plenty more where that rib-tickler came from……..

I have been threatening to write about Jax Beach band Veronica’s Veil for ages. I have been waiting for video and at last have found it. Jordyn and Randy have done Jacksonville proud. This is them at Jack Rabbits:

Veronicas Veil – Jack Rabbits

Jordyn’s sister was not there. Shame, as I have big crush on her. More on these legends HERE

This headline is one of my favorite movie quotes of the 90s. It’s from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and is spoken when the trustafarian weed-sellers are raided by real gangsters, armed with a WWII machine-gun.

The rifle in question is an air-rifle and, needless to say, proves ineffectual. At Bones HQ we have all manner of small arms and support weapons, but have never had an air rifle.

Until now.

You see, my folks had given me the gift of money for yoga lessons (this is 100% true, by the way). I went along to Yoga Ananda, but it was closed. Next thing I know, I had blown the money on this:

How do you like me NOW?

It’s the Crosman Phantom 1000 .177 Break-Action Air Rifle with a 4 X 32 Scope and it is FANTASTIC.  I announced the news of its acquisition to my Regular Thing by email, resulting in the following exchange:

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:28 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

I decided Yoga lessons were too ‘unmanly’, so I bought an air rifle as my gift from my mom and dad

---

From: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com

Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:30 AM
To: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

you are the funniest person i have ever known.  I thought you said you wanted to improve your flexibility “to levels previously thought impossible by humans” so we could try that thing?

can you tell me what you are going to do with an air rifle???

---

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:58 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

Deter varmints

I mean, what was all that? Twenty questions? Actually, I (as you know) would never harm an animal. I have bought it for a specific reason which I will share with the rivercityvibe faithful in due course……..

You can buy one here, everyone.

I am cross, right now, because I have been trying to write about my new air rifle for the whole afternoon but the interweb is monkeying with me. I am also depressed about the upcoming hallmark holiday that is St. Valentines day. I HATE sorting through my bags of cards.

So here is my anti-Valentine. The BRILLIANT Cure in the most disturbing music video going – Lullaby:

Mom.

…

I’m scared.

Not two weeks ago, we had the lovely Bar Refaeli featured on this very website, under “Something for the Weekend“. Now look at her! Front cover of Sports Illustrated‘s 2009 Swimsuit Issue!

Tastefully done.

Apparently, however, we are not the only ones involved in giving this young lady’s career a boost. Her boyfriend, who goes by the made-up Shakespearian name of Leonardo DiCaprio, has also been exerting his sinister influence. Radaronline tells us:

Rumor is Refaeli’s honey, actor Leonardo DiCaprio, had something to do with her getting the yearly top honor. The claim is that DiCaprio pushed for Refaeli to tick off former girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen.

Why do they write like that, by the way? It’s like baby talk. Though they redeem themselves by going on to coo, amusingly:

But how she got there hardly matters. The pictures of Refaeli are every man’s fantasy and every woman’s refrigerator diet aid.

And a reminder to wax.