rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I went to see Harry Brown last night at the 5 Points Theatre (note spelling). You’ll recall from my preview that this is the Michael Caine vehicle about an elderly vigilante in the violent projects of central London. It was even better than I expected, but this did not surprise me. You see, I have this theory that Michael Caine is the greatest man on Earth. The most awesome fella going. The best guy out.

There’s plenty of evidence to support my hypothesis. His canon of work for starters. By itself, the combination of Zulu and  Dirty Rotten Scoundrels gets him halfway there. Factor in Get Carter,  The Italian Job, Hannah and her Sisters (Oscaaaaaar…),  the BRILLIANT imagining of Graham Greene’s The Quiet American, and you have got something pretty special. I could live on a desert island with just his movies (plus the Empire Strikes Back, Weird Science, and Christmas Vacation) for the rest of my life, quite happily.

But actually, the single thing that finally convinced me that this guy eclipses even Oliver Reed‘s awesomeness as a hero and role model, was a quote from The New Yorker, which interviewed him in advance of the release of Harry Brown. Here it is:

Harry Brown is the most fragile, weary, shoot-the-moon vigilante yet. Caine said his key to understanding the character was that he himself once served in Korea:

“When I was nineteen and a soldier, I often wondered how I was going to be if I knew I was going to die. At one point, we were ambushed in the paddy fields, just four of us surrounded by Chinese. And my instinct—which has lasted me the rest of my life—was: All right, I’m going to die. And that’s O.K. But”—he paused and leveled a heavy finger at the recollected enemy, and at any future adversaries—“as many of you as possible are going to die with me. I’ll take the whole fucking lot.” He grinned. “I’m going to die expensive.

What a fucking dead-set legend. I rest my case.

Every now and again we stumble upon a Craigslist Classic. A post on that notorious site which has been written with humor rather than commerce in mind. You have to look carefully, but occasionally, in among the ads by truckers looking for prostitutes to murder, there is real comedy, which lightens your soul and convinces you that maybe, just maybe, life is not shit all the time*, after all.

Well an example of just such a post has appeared on our local Craigslist. Check out this legend, who goes by the made-up name “Pat”:

Naturally I gave Pat a call and asked to see this monster, so hated by his spouse. It’s pretty bad, but I considered buying it anyway. He was good enough to send some pictures. It is hideous, but strangely appealing:

The question is, did it sell yet? And, perhaps more importantly, who bought it?

*The prevailing view in the media and elsewhere.

If you enter the words “Rush Limbaugh” and “Clown-like shape” into the Google, you will see that we have seized yet another number 1 place.

I think we can agree that not since the “Kiran Chetry” and “hot ass” episode have we triumphed quite so comprehensively.

A Fat Clown

Rush Limbaugh

It’s uncanny, really.

I was in Richmond, Virginia this weekend. Why? You don’t need to know.

On Thursday night I found myself in a nightclub, where I discovered this individual. Clearly a dangerous sex pest. Hide your daughters/sons/gerbils.

I think it is important to mention that this guy was not in a band or anything. He had just brought a trombone with him. In the same way that a girl would carry a purse……

Look closely. Only half his chest has hair. What’s up with that?

He is a strange ranger.