rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I mentioned how appalled and sick to the stomach I was to see that Johansson had dyed her hair that most delightful of colors, brown.

Well all is well, my children. All is well.

This is the latest Dolce & Gabbana ad. She’s back to normal:

When Joe says jump, starlets ask "how high?"

Thank God that’s over.

A timely reminder that not all plane crashes end in carnage, there”s a new cocktail doing the rounds in New York. It’s The Sully, names after Capt. Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger. It’s two shots of Grey Goose and a splash of water……..

ho ho ho.......

Plenty more where that rib-tickler came from……..

I have been threatening to write about Jax Beach band Veronica’s Veil for ages. I have been waiting for video and at last have found it. Jordyn and Randy have done Jacksonville proud. This is them at Jack Rabbits:

Veronicas Veil – Jack Rabbits

Jordyn’s sister was not there. Shame, as I have big crush on her. More on these legends HERE

This headline is one of my favorite movie quotes of the 90s. It’s from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and is spoken when the trustafarian weed-sellers are raided by real gangsters, armed with a WWII machine-gun.

The rifle in question is an air-rifle and, needless to say, proves ineffectual. At Bones HQ we have all manner of small arms and support weapons, but have never had an air rifle.

Until now.

You see, my folks had given me the gift of money for yoga lessons (this is 100% true, by the way). I went along to Yoga Ananda, but it was closed. Next thing I know, I had blown the money on this:

How do you like me NOW?

It’s the Crosman Phantom 1000 .177 Break-Action Air Rifle with a 4 X 32 Scope and it is FANTASTIC.  I announced the news of its acquisition to my Regular Thing by email, resulting in the following exchange:

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:28 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

I decided Yoga lessons were too ‘unmanly’, so I bought an air rifle as my gift from my mom and dad

---

From: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com

Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:30 AM
To: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

you are the funniest person i have ever known.  I thought you said you wanted to improve your flexibility “to levels previously thought impossible by humans” so we could try that thing?

can you tell me what you are going to do with an air rifle???

---

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:58 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

Deter varmints

I mean, what was all that? Twenty questions? Actually, I (as you know) would never harm an animal. I have bought it for a specific reason which I will share with the rivercityvibe faithful in due course……..

You can buy one here, everyone.

I am cross, right now, because I have been trying to write about my new air rifle for the whole afternoon but the interweb is monkeying with me. I am also depressed about the upcoming hallmark holiday that is St. Valentines day. I HATE sorting through my bags of cards.

So here is my anti-Valentine. The BRILLIANT Cure in the most disturbing music video going – Lullaby:

Mom.

…

I’m scared.

Not two weeks ago, we had the lovely Bar Refaeli featured on this very website, under “Something for the Weekend“. Now look at her! Front cover of Sports Illustrated‘s 2009 Swimsuit Issue!

Tastefully done.

Apparently, however, we are not the only ones involved in giving this young lady’s career a boost. Her boyfriend, who goes by the made-up Shakespearian name of Leonardo DiCaprio, has also been exerting his sinister influence. Radaronline tells us:

Rumor is Refaeli’s honey, actor Leonardo DiCaprio, had something to do with her getting the yearly top honor. The claim is that DiCaprio pushed for Refaeli to tick off former girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen.

Why do they write like that, by the way? It’s like baby talk. Though they redeem themselves by going on to coo, amusingly:

But how she got there hardly matters. The pictures of Refaeli are every man’s fantasy and every woman’s refrigerator diet aid.

And a reminder to wax.

It is no secret that rivercityvibe was inspired  and encouraged by my blood brother, Seth Rotherham.

Seth and I go way back. We stole some horses together* and had some good times. His website 2oceansvibe.com is based in Cape Town, South Africa, and is by way of being the biggest so-called blog in the whole of Africa. Anyway, he is a multi-talented genius (although I can strip a Kalash faster than him). He is particularly (some would say SUPERNATURALLY) talented in the area of stirring up controversy.

Seth consoles Joe's ex-girlfriend....

His latest effort reaches new heights of hilarity. He has mocked, mercilessly, the South African version of American Idol – called Idols. He has done so in a way that has forced the judges to respond, and, as a result, is now in the position of having accepted one of the judges offers to meet face-to-face by challenging him to A CHARITY BOXING MATCH. Here’s the challenge:

For the full story, including transcripts of the judge’s replies, go here (look for some bomb-throwing by yours truly in the comments).

(*not literally. It’s an expression I made up to mean “we faced some companionable hardships together”)

Katy Perry is no more than average hotness. Her face is a little ‘iffy’. She does have the most amazing body going though, and is NOT AFRAID to use it. Here she is, playing to her strengths, at the Grammys, last night:

Done it again

We have had cause to notice this young lady before. She is becoming a firm favorite of the rivercityvibe faithful.

The ridiculous weather conditions, which saw thick ice forming on my boat and forced me to break out clothes that I usually reserve for skiing vacations, are past. I have spoken to one of my assets at NOAA and they have confirmed that the summer starts here. We’re easing it in with a few days in the low seventies. Back to shorts, y’all (though I’ll kind of miss my Inuit Fishing Cap).

I will swim in the Ocean before February is out.

One side effect of the weather is to bring humidity levels to record lows at Bones HQ. These old Florida houses are designed to stay cool – not an ideal attribute when it’s BALTIC outside. Worried about my dog’s skin, I blew fifty bucks on a humidifier.

It was crap. It raised the humidity not at all. If any eggheads are reading this and can explain to me why the Vick’s Ultrasonic Humidifier does not work, I’d be grateful.

God. That was so boring I feel honor-bound to give you a picture of Lindsay on the beach:

It's nice and warm again.

A special treat for you, this week. This picture is what those of us in the business call a “scene” – a picture that uses background and scenery to hint at a story or create an ambiance. It involves the use of “properties” or “props” (noticeably, in this case, a couple of pineapples).

The model is the indescribably beautiful Jessica White.

At least I think it's a pineapple

Jessica White hails from Buffalo NY – a place that’s already in my good books for being the ancestral home of chicken wings.

The usual source tells me that:

In 2003, White was chosen for a coveted shoot in Sports Illustrated‘s famed Swimsuit Issue. She was also featured in the 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008 and 2009 issues….. She holds the distinction of being the only Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model to appear on the cover in a body painting although only as an inset.

Not many people know that.