rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Occasionally we get members of the faithful sending in links with simple messages that show they 100% ‘get’ rivercityvibe and all it stands for. One such reader, Elizabeth, did this today, sending me a link and following message:

“Great for rivercityvibe. Even got a German in it”

That was it, that was the whole message. And do you know, she is right! It is great for rivercityvibe.

The link is to our good friends at Gawker.com. They are running a video montage of weather man fuck-ups in honor of the fact that today (With BALTIC temperatures in North Florida) is National Weatherman Day.

Weathermen, I have written about before. Germans, I write about constantly. There are both here:

Priceless humor.

Now perhaps they can stop goofing around and do something about humidity levels in 32210 (23%, currently. Unhealthy).)

Police-involved-shootings are close to being the “brand essence” of Jacksonville. Apparently, we’ve only had two so far today. Just the two. I like to think of it as “a pair” of police-involved-shootings. It’s 11.30 am. Let’s see if the JSO can set a record by nightfall.

Reach for the sky, Jacksonville!

I am very open to the concept that every one of the criminals gunned down over the last 12 months deserved it, by the way. Its less a deal about the five-oh and more a measure of the dire crime situation here. Also, I REALLY like to mock authority. I regard it as healthy. Like loving animals and being cynical about the media (I feel that authoring a self-help book is in my future…..)

BTW, while we’re taking a turn to negative town, can someone please tell me when this freak cold weather is due to depart. I am sick of it. It is like Greenland out there.

I really despise the institution of marriage. Its initial effect (with a few rare, golden exceptions) is to turn otherwise smoking hot babes into frumpy Pottery Barn shoppers. This is compounded by the arrival of kids, and it is only when the kids are old enough to fend for themselves that the inner babe reawakens, invests in a new rack and pulls out the Chanel sunglasses and the Jimmy Choos.

Look at this example. Scarlett Johansson, who foolishly got married some months ago, has foregone her  customary blond, for brown. This, as any gentleman will attest, is a VERY foolish move.

Not acceptable at all.

I mean, do I have to spell it out? The made a movie about it for chrissakes!

I hear she has also joined the junior league and is moving to Fleming Island.

Actors can be assholes. That’s a given. They think because they are adored by Joe Public that normal rules don’t apply. They also think that pretending to be someone else and having it filmed is important work. It’s not. It’s just entertainment. Particularly when compared with the work I do,  saving the world from Russian ultra nationalists via the medium of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.

There are plenty of examples of diva behavior, temper tantrums and unbelievable arrogance, but perhaps the best I have EVER heard is Christian Bale going off the deep end on the set of Terminator 4.

This counts as"one for the ladies"

Our great buddies at TMZ describe the incident:

During a scene, Shane Hurlbut (seriously), director of cinematography, screwed up a shot — at least in Christian’s mind. We’re told Bale went wild, screaming “I will kick your ass” along with some other choice remarks. Several hundred people — including Military Police — heard the outburst, which was described as “intense.”

You can listen to his foul-mouthed outburst by clicking here.

My younger brother had all of the GI Joe stuff. Cobra Commander, the tank, the silly dog and the motorcycle with the sidecar machine gun. I have fond memories using these military assets to ‘invade’ my other brother’s bedroom. We had inserted Special Forces observers some days earlier. They lurked on the curtain rail, observing all. There was a black kayak involved. I forget now…….

Anyway, these memories are likely to be either enhanced or completely ruined by the new GI Joe movie trailered during the Superbowl. I can’t make my mind up whether it will be awesome or unawesome. Take a look:

God, I love CGI.

“Bones was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. The light did him harm, but not so much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.”

I have been laboring under a  serious misapprehension.

I thought Bar Refaeli was that place in Tijuana that I got thrown out of for vomiting sangria on the owner’s dog. It’s not, as it turns out. It is in fact a really hot babe:

Thank goodness for Bar Refaeli

That’s one demon exorcised. Result!

Can someone explain to me why the Continental flight I flew between Houston and Jacksonville yesterday was still playing Christmas music over its sound system?*

Using the Gregorian Calendar, no doubt.......

Though true, and baffling, this is, of course, my way of explaining my online absence. I’ve been on the west coast, and they do not have “the internet” there…….

Apparently they are trying to develop something similar in a place with the unlikely name of “Silicon Valley”

(*I would really like an answer, so am sending this link to customer service).

This is Shauna Sands on the beach, recently.

I’ll confess I can’t get past the Urban Outfitters beach bag. Every eleven year old emo‘s dream.

I love animals. I am well known for preferring them to humans. I was once asked whether my compassion toward the animal kingdom extended to a concern for the well-being of my fellow man, particularly children. I thought about it, and gave the only answer I could……

“Curiously, no.”

Seriously, I’m as mystified as you are. I love animals. People? I can take ’em or leave ’em.

Anyway, with my bona fides established, I need to say something about those idiots at PETA:

1. For a start, they kill animals, probably (www.petakillsanimals.com).

2. They are the biggest bunch of bullshit artists going.

Exhibit A is their so-called Superbowl advertisement, which they claim has been banned from the airwaves. Apparently this is because it is too sexy to broadcast. I, however, think it is because it is low grade, un-resonant crap that should not be inflicted on a mass audience. There are some expressions of free speech that are so utterly worthless that the first amendment does not apply. This is true, by the way.  I looked it up.

See what you think:

‘Veggie Love’: PETA’s Banned Super Bowl Ad

And if you want to help animals, try First Coast No More Homeless Pets. These people are saints.