rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I couldn’t post yesterday because I had Man Flu. I won’t describe the symptoms to you, let’s just say they make Ebola look like a trip to Disney. It wasn’t “flu”, it wasn’t “a cold”. It was man flu. Let’s get that one guy from Shaun of the Dead to illustrate it:

(I didn’t get half of it either, so here’s the explanation: 999 is what the Brits use instead of 911 (lazy). LEMSIP is not, as I first thought, the name of a branch of government, dealing with the dispensation of socialised medicine, rather it is an over-the-counter cold cure. And CBBC is Childrens’ BBC.

I have to do everything around here.

And I’m so poorly………)

This is a particularly good one, in my opinion. A young lady by the name of Raica Oliveira, Brazilian, but no indication she is descended from fugitive Nazis.

Tidy

The usual source tells us:

Oliveira opposes posing nude: “I could not pose nude. Nothing against those who do, but I never felt right about it. It’s not something that would make me proud.”

We’ll see about that.

It appears that some GOD OF COMEDY hacked into the University of Florida emergency notification system yesterday. His message? The brilliant:

THE MONKEY GOT OUT OF THE CAGE!

Our foreign readers might wish for a little explanation. The fact is, due to our national propensity toward abusing our gun laws by using rifles, handguns etc. to massacre students on otherwise friendly college campuses, most universities now have emergency systems whereby instructions to avoid dangerous gunmen, ravening beasts, sexual predators etc. can be communicated to the student body via email, text etc.

It was only a matter of time before someone saw the comedy potential in this…….

Captive no longer......

The Andromeda Strain-style scenario that that particular message brings to mind is good material.

(Aside: This contrasts favorably with my own poor record of university pranks. My highlight, it shames me to admit, was writing “Nelly is a spunk-trumpet” in the snow under my tutor’s office window one night. He was popularly known as Nelly. Poor guy.)

Does this lady give us weird and unsavory insight into the first couple’s sexual practices, or is it just me?

Touching, kissing and even what?!

I’m shocked. As I’ve consistently maintained, it’s always the quiet ones.

We have covered Kardashian before. Our interest in her extends about as far as the one guy on the right’s does, below…..

I’d like to issue him with a Presidential pardon for all his crimes, and the Congressional Medal of Honor, for services to humor. If anyone knows him, please put me in touch.

My regular thing pointed out to me (once more) that the answer to the question posed two posts ago “who doesn’t like pictures of rifles?” was in fact “women”. After I accused her of sexism and betraying the sisterhood, she cited the recent pictures on this website as evidence of my own (and I quote) “puerile obsession with womens’ bodies. Particularly their top halves.”

Absolute nonsense. Here’s a guy to prove it.

The one on the left, guys.....

This is Paul Walker, from the Fast and the Furious.

(I don’t know either).

Following on from the hilarious Heineken ad posted recently, a keen eyed member of the rivercityvibe faithful sent in the following worthwhile piece of commercial/viral advertising, from the good folks in Dublin, who make the black stuff:

Share your beer with friend? Not likely.

The shadowy powers that rule the internet have decreed that an online presence cannot be considered “a website” unless it has recently published pictures of Marisa Miller in her bikini.

At least you’d be forgiven for thinking that were the case, with all the attention she’s been getting. Anyway, as you’ll be aware, if there’s a bandwagon, I’m jumping on it, so here she is, in all her edible glory.

I've called this picture "Marisa Miller 1"

I have called THIS one "Marisa Miller 2"

Such a RELIEF to be done with the inauguration. Pass the shamWOW.

At last, a worthwhile application for the ipod touch. As my buddies will tell you, I have been in the vanguard of the ipod revolution, owning every mark that has been produced, apart from the iphone and the ipod touch. I am some way away from the iphone (I generally use the power of thought to accomplish many of its functions), but I may well order a job-lot of iphone touches for the security guards at Bones HQ, now that this, is available:

I miss the ol' matte black days.......

There is WAY TOO MUCH information on this on something call The Firearms Blog, which says:

KAC contracted Runaway technologies to build an external ballistics calculator for the iPod Touch / iPhone named Bullet Flight. It is your standard ballistics application. You can set firearm / ammunition profiles, then call up the saved profile and enter your environment information, for example, distance, wind direction, elevation and temperature.

Handy. Here is another picture. Because who doesn’t like pictures of rifles?

Now with space-age writing......

When the eggheads work out how to strap a PS3 to oneof these bad boys, I am SO IN.

President-elect Obama arrives for his inauguration.

No pressure, then......

Apparently he wore special Presidential Undies, designed to cope with all eventualities.