rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

You’d be forgiven for thinking NOTHING happened yesterday. Technically, that is true. In fact, only one thing was brought to my attention that would be of interest to rivercityvibe readers,  but I was asleep at the wheel.

I’m fallible, you see. Contrary to public opinion.

Now I am awake and amused enough to run this. I include it now for reasons of completeness. Here is how Blue Jay fans mercilessly rag-dolled A Rod around the park in September:

Stare him down.......

Got him!

If any of our readers know these guys, I’d like to send them some 120 IPA. Let me know.

I know Seth’s already carried this. How do you think I got it? Will I ever get out from under his shadow……?

The case of the crazy astronaut who wore hi-tech space-diapers to save time as she drove 18 hours to kidnap a former lover’s girlfriend,  is today being reviewed by the Court of Appeal in Daytona Beach.

Scary eyes?

Spot the loony....

I am loving the evidence they are trying to have admitted. Mostly the contents of her car (I can only imagine the contents of her space-purse. The mind boggles).

Anyway The Examiner reports:

a bizarre list of items found in Nowak’s car, including purported bondage photos, a knife, steel mallet, and rubber tubing. Police also found a wig, BB gun, and a chemical spray…..

The Po-pos in Orlando revealed more:

Orlando police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones said Internet-generated maps of Nowak’s route from Texas to Florida were printed Jan. 23 and found in a search of Nowak’s car. A list written by Nowak showed items she carried on her drive: “wig, trench coat, make-up, trash bags, knife and what appeared to be “ammo 9,” an arrest report states. Police seized two wet diapers from Nowak’s car that she said she used rather than stop on her drive to Orlando. She used cash rather than a credit card to pay all of her expenses, police said.

Standard Diapers (non-NASA)

Check out this kind lady:

Well done you.

Her name, allegedly, is Keeley Hazel. WIKIPEDIA gets straight to the point when it says this, about her:

Keeley Rebecca Hazell (born on 18 September 1986)^[1] is an English Page 3 Girl and glamour model noted for her large, natural breasts (bra size 32E).^[4]

That‘s good material. It goes on to say:

In early January 2007, a sex tape of Hazell and ex-boyfriend Lloyd Miller was released on the internet.^[8] The video was shot whilst the couple were on holiday in Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain during the previous year, on or about 30 May 2006.^[8]

Following the tape’s leak, Hazell was reported to have been very upset, and she called the police in an attempt to find out who leaked the tape.^[9] She also “obtained an injunction on grounds of privacy preventing any further publication or promotion of the video”^[8] though the video is still widely available on the Internet.

No, I am not going to do it for you. If you are interested in seeing that sort of filth, go HERE.

One ‘Z’, two ‘L’s

I am about to leave Bones HQ, for a boat ride on the Mighty St. John’s that will probably involve booze and hot babes. And possibly engine failure.*

* this is what is termed an ‘in-joke’. Don’t worry about it.

The Mighty St. John. The Old Man.

Once this is over, about 8 pm, I am going home to watch Anatomy of an Abrams Tank on the military channel, before a few more cold ones until very late at a secret bar y’all don’t know about.

Military Channel. Tonight.

Tomorrow, I intend to rise early, walk my amazing dog, run five miles using my Forerunner 405, watch a couple of episodes of Magnum PI (Series 7) on DVD while eating oatmeal and fruit, then spend the day at the beach, playing volleyball and listening to live music with friends.

In the evening, I am attending a cocktail party for which I must ‘dress nicely’, before taking my consort for late dinner. Sunday, I shall be drinking beer from dawn, wondering what to do in lieu of sport. I will probably read a book. I will try to stay up for Entourage at 10 pm.

Perfect weekend. What about you guys?

In the last 24 hrs we have achieved blogging success beyond my wildest dreams. I can pretty much put away the keyboard, stand down my agents around the globe, and rest on my laurels. You see, I have , at last, identified the special phrase that puts rivercityvibe at the top of Google’s ranking. It came to my attention as  I was examining search terms that have driven readers to the site. Can you guess what it is?

No? Go on, have a guess!

Okay, I’ll tell you. The phrase that puts rivercityvibe ahead of every other website on the entire interweb is:

kiran chetry’s thong -video

Did you guess right? Here’s an utterly inadequate screenshot:

click image for full size

Now let me be straight with you, we have never talked of Kiran Chetry in terms of her underwear, let alone posted video. Only Sarah Palin has been discussed in this regard; Kiran Chetry has been featured only in her role as the Bedside List’s resident naughty little imp.

Nevertheless, someone has entered this particular phrase into Google and come up with digital gold dust in the form of rivercityvibe!

Champagne all round!

It seems Madonna really is giving Guy Ritchie the Spanish Archer.

(El Bow)

(Ha ha)

Principally, it seems, because she can no longer stick living in England, where it is cold and miserable (see previous post for an alternative, Madge). Also, of course, because she has been nailing Alex Rodriguez behind Ritchie’s back. It turns out Madonna is a slut.

On that bombshell, I’d like to leave you with a picture of the object of A Rod’s desire:

[As an aside, apparently, Lenny Kravitz is giving  the former Mrs. Rodriguez the good news, these days. You should know tha Bones and Kravitz  do not see eye to eye since he literally ruined Vanessa Paradis. ]

Apparently, yesterday was “a nine” according to WOKV. Today is expected to be “a ten” when the fog burns off.

What does that mean?

It means 86 degrees and sunny, that’s what that means. In other words, the kind of fall day that makes you glad to be Floridian.

Returning to the Island. 7.30 am

Aha. If I may quote George Harrison (and I think I can), here comes the sun……

Just how diligent can we expect this guy to be…..?

I’m Joe Bones, and I approve this message.

There’s libertarianism, and there’s this.

An elderly couple just down the road in Sanford declared themselves independent sovereign states at some point during the 1990’s, announcing that they were deliberately putting themselves outside of U.S. government jurisdiction. Much like Jimmy Buffet’s extra eight ounces of Cherry Coke for 25 cents, they don’t want it. They don’t want that much organization in their life.

Queen-President Donna of Brinkleland

Unfortunately, as the Orlando Sentinel reports, personal-secession from the Union is not an inalienable right. You’ve got to pay your taxes, and you’ve got to have a driving license if you want to drive on the road.

Donna and Joel Brinkle disagree and boy-oh-boy, are they suffering for their comedy antics:

… Joel Brinkle keeps getting arrested for driving without a license. So far, it has happened three times. He doesn’t need a license, he said, because, just like his wife, he has proclaimed himself a sovereign nation.

Joel’s served 7 months in jail (he’s 76). They’ve lost their home and five acres and they are being sued by the state for harassing state officials.

This did not, of course, stop them from buying a $700,000 new home with a home-made money order. Oh no. When asked to explain, Mrs. Brinkle explained that,

[The] money order was perfectly valid. As head of her own sovereign country, she has the power to create her own monetary system……

There’s something undeniably great about the Brinkles. I know you agree.

Apparently, Ron Paul has written them a letter of support.

I have to say, Series 5 is very good. After a lackluster Series 4, Entourage has recaptured some of its old magic. Five episodes in, only one was a dud (the Joshua Tree road trip. Okay. Not great.)

In the last episode (now available on HBO On Demand) Turtle became Drama’s assistant for the day, fulfilling his crazy requests (who knew that Raisin Bran raisins were sugar coated? I checked this morning. Drama’s right). Dom is back – in trouble again – but something’s changed, and Ari is betting Vince’s career on a round of golf.

Johnny Drama has the privilege of speaking the final line of the episode. Probably the best line of the series so far. Three words.