rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Stand by for a MILF-tastic week, readers. Sarah Palin – Sarah “Good News McGee” Palin – is coming to town…..

Nasty!

She will be appearing at a public event at Jacksonville Landing (Hooters, maybe?) at 7 am, Tuesday. There is some kind of fundraiser later on. The newspapers are reporting that Governor Palin will be wearing a business-like trouser suit over a thong. Or maybe I dreamed that.

Here she is again, with her dad:

To Native American voters, I say "how"

I’ll be there. Disguised as a Republican.

Billy Smart & Co have just voted on, and, this time, deigned to pass the bill that effectively bails out rich Wall Street speculators with our money. I never let you face these times alone, so am posting the following for two reasons:

1.     You need a morale-boost.

2.      It is ad for insurance – finance – therefore we’re remaining on-topic.

I have also had some emails accusing me of being (ahem…)   ‘un-masculine’, citing the last  two posts……..

Buy some insurance. Seriously. Keep that marketing budget solvent……..

The puritan spirit we imported from the Old World all those years ago is alive and well. Thank God.

Joining Janet Jackson’s celebrated ‘nip-slip’ (I think you’ll find that’s the correct paparazzi term…) which had more of a tangible effect on Main Street that the total failure of our capital markets, we have a new ‘outrage’, courtesy of those Great Americans at the Parents’ Television Council. Their full ire is directed toward CBS’ flagship reality show Survivor: Gabon.

Clearly a Gorilla, not a Gabon.......

Apparently  a little penis slipped out of a pair of shorts during a race to fulfill some task crucial to the survival of the competitors. If you recorded it, have HD, can pause at the right time, and like looking at willies, then get real close to the screen and advance slowly frame-by-frame. You can CLEARLY see a flesh-colored something which the experts at the PTC identify as a penis. Let’s take their word for it. Thank Jesus our children were saved from this.

Footage from my buddies at TMZ HERE.

When asked, CBS crushingly commented that the penis of the individual concerned was “undetectable in real life time”.

Ouch.

The last Bond post resulted in an email in-box full of requests from the ladies for this picture:

We have the same personal trainer.......

I figure this will earn me some points for the new pic of Lohan’s rack I have been sitting on.

Very good news. The sequel to the OUTSTANDING James Bond movie Casino Royale is due for release in early November….

Hang on……. What’s this bullshit?

They’re releasing Quantum of Solace in Central America, before they release it here? Oman gets to see it before the US? The fucking RUSSIANS, who for forty years were Bond’s principal ADVERSARIES, get to see it a FULL WEEK  before we do?

Nice move, United Artists. You’ll be hearing from me…..

In the meantime, here is the latest trailer:

At this stage it would not surprise me if Mrs. Broccoli were to personally airdrop an advance copy into the Federally Administered Tribal Areas addressed to Mr. O. B. Laden.

[By the way, if, like me, you are planning to see this movie at the AMC Orange Park, may I suggest you go along armed like Bond? It is like Beirut in ’84 there, these days…..]

Fox News is an utter disgrace. I am no fan of the opposition, either. CNN makes me want to puke (The Most News in the Morning? What sort of lame, nonsensical, and plain stupid slogan is that?).

Neither cover themselves in glory. Both are dumbed-down shadows of  journalist-led news organizations and both have political biases which embarrass our democracy. The ONLY thing I respect about Fox News is that, unlike CNN, it is brave enough to make no attempt WHATSOEVER to hide its biases behind a veneer of serious journalism. The following makes my point:

On to more important matters –  I have to contend that Kiran Chetry is WAY hotter than Gretchen Carlson.

If you like naughty little imps.

(which I think you do…….)

Those multi-million dollar properties for sale in Ortega, Riverside and Avondale might be a little easier to shift if sellers were to take a leaf out of this Brit’s book. Unable to sell his 2 million dollar home, he is adding an incentive. His Lambo:

Also available in lime green.

But, as always, there’s a catch. You might think you were pretty smart getting a piece of property in England and some sweet wheels into the bargain. But this Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder is NOT the SE (Special Edition) version.

I say again, it is not the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder SE.

If it were, the new owner could rest safe in the knowledge that all the design flaws had been worked out. WIKIPEDIA tells us:

Mechanically, the SE addresses many of the criticisms of the original Gallardo; the steering is quicker and more responsive, the transmission gear ratios have been adjusted to better suit the V10, and the E-gear now has a “thrust mode” to optimize acceleration, and the car’s power has been increased to 520 hp (388 kW). The SE has a higher top speed of 315 km/h or 196 MPH, and it accelerates to 100 km/h (62 mph) in 3.8 seconds. Only 250 units of the Gallardo SE were built. All the mechanical upgrades of the SE, however, will be included in all 2006+ Gallardos (excluding the two-tone bodywork).

I should also note that if you think you are going to outrun the police in London, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels-style, think again. The Five-Oh over there are driving these:

We. Own. The. Road.

Yep, that’s right.

The SE.

Various sources report that stills said to be taken from a celebrity sex tape starring Britters (taped during that period in which she went doolally and absconded to Mexico in a pink wig with a scumbag paparazzi) were made exclusively available yesterday on the 97.9 Kiss FM Jacksonville website. I saw them last night, but cannot find them on the site now. They have now become available widely on other sites though they still bear the 97.9 logo. Google it if you are interested. I could link to them, but I am going to take a rare stand on moral grounds.

Am I alone in wanting all this madness to end? I wish that we could turn back the clock. Bring the wheels of time to a stop. Back to a time, when life was so much better:

Remember this girl?

Did anyone spot the Johnny Hates Jazz lyrics above?

If you did, you should be ashamed. They were beyond crap.

A few minutes ago, those comedians in the House of Representatives voted down the so-called 700 billion dollar Wall Street Bailout causing the Dow to plummet 670 points (whatever that means) further weakening an already weak market. This made a lot of traditional investors sad and cross at the same time.

I thought footage of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah “Good News McGee” Palin in a swimsuit might lighten the mood a little:

Did that help?

Thought it might.

I am always amazed by how many readers rivercityvibe has in other countries. I have monitoring software originally developed for the CSS which allows me to pinpoint readers’ exact locations, wherever they might be. All the evidence points to rivercityvibe being a  global phenomenon.

[In fact, I’d like to take this opportunity to give a big shout out to our lone but loyal reader in Tuvalu (pop. 11,000). Tuvalu mo te Atua, buddy!]

My point is, not everyone who reads this is from the First Coast. Some readers will not have the same terms of reference as us, and may be surprised to read this sort of thing, spotted in the local rag, this weekend:

[an alligator] was seen last year crossing the Oklawaha River with a black bear in his maw.

To us, that’s pretty routine. To see alligators with black bears in their mouths (or maws -nice touch). Our local fauna snack on black bears. No big deal. Particularly given the size of the fucker:

Got him in the end.

Anyway, the guys in the picture track and kill enormous great big alligators for a living. That’s the way we roll, here in North Florida. Facts, from the paper (check out the last one):

– The Florida record for the biggest gator caught is 14 feet and 5/8th inches, taken from Lake Monroe in Seminole County.

– The heaviest gator on record was a male measuring 13 feet and 101/2 inches long and weighing 1,043 pounds.

– The population of alligators in Florida was in danger in the mid-1960s, but they have come back strong. Biologists estimate the state’s gator population is 1.25 million.

– Since 1948, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has documented 356 alligator attacks on humans. Of those, 25 were fatal. Nine other cases involved humans who might have been dead before the attack.

Only 25. Doesn’t seem many…….