rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

For those of us whose role in life is to mock, the celeb wars of recent years have been like manna from heaven. You may recall that prior to Paris Hilton’s arrest (for whatever it was) and her subsequent pathetic performance whilst incarcerated (If I was her publicist I would have arranged a pre-prison conduct-after-capture course with the SEALS), all the attention was on Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan. Who is the most popular, who is most worthy of our admiration?

It was around this time that some losers in Jacksonville got rather carried away. Who can forget the ill-fated Club Paris at the Landing.

Embarrassing ain’t the word.

Anyway, I have got to say, I have always been squarely for Lindsay. For a start, she is an actress, has been to drama school, taken lessons. For the movies she has made she has been paid millions of dollars. Earnings.

Paris, on the other hand, has a rich dad.

But there are other key reasons, why I much prefer Lyndsay to Paris:

And don’t say this post is sexist. Because its not.

If there is one person in Jacksonville who I would term, after the Australian fashion, a “dead-set legend,” it would be the Jags Dog Man (JDM). Every day, come rain-or-shine, he is out there, opposite Bank of America, at Roosevelt Mall, hawking his delicious hot dogs. He usually poles up around 12 pm (though he did say, that if he wanted to make money he’d be better to turn-up at 11 am. He’s such a legend, he CAN”T BE BOTHERED!). His dogs range from standard dollar ball-park franks, right through to some specialized Italian sausage (“flown in from Naples by a buddy of mine…..”) which retail for plenty and the silver-tongued devil always talks me into……

Solar powered since 1996.......

Ask the JDM about himself. He is an interesting guy. (get him to tell you about the time when a Buddhist monk asked if he would “make him one with everything……..”).

A couple of saucy little jokes in there, JDM.......

I first met the legend at a posh party in Ortega. He was down at the bottom of the garden, doling out high-end sausage to girls in summer dresses and boob jobs. We hit it off. Like I say, he’s an interesting guy, the JDM.

If you want something decent to eat at your next party, give him a call 904 534 7461. He owns jagdog.com, too, but believes the world is not ready for his type of web content just yet.

Is it possible that we have the opportunity to elect the perfect woman to within a heartbeat of leader of the free world?

"I presume this is loaded with one-in-three tracer?"

She can handle a weapon, for sure. (This is the line you were waiting for. Joe knows. Joe is happy to oblige….)

Let us give thanks to those intrepid folks who brought us live coverage of Tropical Storm Fay and are, even now, steeling their nerves to brave the elements again for  Hurricane Hanna (LIVE!). Reporting the weather during hurricane season is the macho alternative to war reporting, for hacks who cannot be away from home for too long (“I’d love to report from Lashkar Gar, but who’d feed my pets…?”)

This piece in the Post has it about right. I love anything with Geraldo Rivera in it. He hasn’t yet captured Bin Laden, but by God, he will make up for it with a rainy day in Florida.

By the way, six ( or so) boats sank in the NAS Jax Marina, during Fay. Ouch.

I’ll be honest with you, politically, I lean towards “utter MILF”. Ask anyone.

"I declare a state of emergency... in Joe's pants."

Apparently, her daughter goes a bit too………..

menial work......

These Hollywood stars love their politics…….