rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

It’s not often I am sent something which genuinely blows me away, but I was today. I haven’t kept up on my wicked A-1 to-the-max bike stunts. I’m still scarred by the experience of taking my bicycle in to that one bike shop in Avondale where they first applauded me on what an awesome bike I had and then coyly suggested that it was a classic of the old school and belonged in a museum. Even if I had, it would be unlikely I’d be anywhere near this:

The guy is Danny MacAskill and the usual source link is HERE. Rad to the power of SICK, for sure.

Update: I have just seen that Seth is running this too. Word to the wise: If you want something to go truly viral, do something truly awesome.

I only realized the other day that Monty’s had changed its name. Apparently, this happened seven years ago without me noticing. It is now called West Inn Cantina and serves Mexican food. This won’t be news to many (any) of you, but it is noteworthy to me.

Monty’s is something of an institution. Many of my buddies fondly remember underage drinking there back in the day. It is still ON FIRE on Fridays and Saturdays, upsetting Brick and Biscotti’s customers by forcing them to rub shoulders with the kind of people who prefer drinking PBR in a low dive (people like me, basically). Last time I stopped in there on Friday evening  I counted seven drunks bellied up to the bar (including me and two buddies). This is about standard…….

That’s the sort of place it is. An awesome place, basically. But once I had been awakened to the fact that it was a Mexican Restaurant too (who knew?) I realized I would have to try the food. I needed to mentally reconcile both elements of this neighborhood institution – Monty’s and West Inn Cantina: The low dive and the family-friendly restaurant. Was it possible? I didn’t know.

So on Saturday, I went there late afternoon with a small entourage to try the food. I walked in through the door stone cold sober (that’s a first) and was shown by Krystal (lovely, helpful and charming) to a table outside. I ordered a margarita and beer, to be followed by a chicken burrito and a beer. Then I had another margarita, tipped well and left….. And do you know, the food was kind of great……. and I was at no time accosted by drunks.

The experiment was a success. I have reconciled in my own mind the Avondale schizophrenic that is West Inn/Monty’s. It is still a low dive where you can drink confident of the fact that your check will not be very large and that nobody is in a fit condition to judge you. The magic is that you can also take your family for a pleasant Mexican meal if you’re that way inclined.

I just wouldn’t let your mother/kids/grandmother visit the restroom unescorted. In fact, make sure they keep to the street side of the bar………… Also, don’t go there looking for dates. Seriously.

As I recently noted, in our River City, we never go too long without boarding a boat of some sort. I even go out to eat by canoe, on occasion. It’s like Waterworld, here. Everyone needs some kind of waterborne mode of transport simply to survive.

With that, I want to introduce you to possibly the best music video we have ever posted on rivercityvibe. It basically sums up the reason why I live here. It’s Lonely Island with I’m on a boat:

(it’s that ‘rap’ deal so there’s bad language. Mainly ‘motherfucker’ but also ‘shit’ used as a synonym for “everything” as in “and shit”. Also the phrase “I fucked a mermaid” which I found particularly amusing):

I feel the lyrics deserve some attention:

Aww shit, get your towels ready it’s about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let’s go

I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)

I’m on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t stop me motherfucker cause I’m on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I’m on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it’s so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flipping copies

I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, motherfucker, don’t you ever forget

I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
Pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
Then you’re sure not me-oh

For more click HERE.

And I’m with you. In Riverside, Avondale and Ortega, a nautical themed Pashmina in de rigeur…….

Cindy McCain, the other hot (-ish) republican cougar in the Presidential campaign, brunched at the Fox in Avondale, yesterday.  She was joined by Rudi Giuliani, who I have always thought, underneath it all, would be a good guy to go for a cold one with.

Maybe in Monty’s, a few doors down. Drinking starts there about brunchtime.

Not Mrs. McCain

According to Channel 4, Mrs. McCain had this to say about her husband’s chances in Florida:

“I just believe in the good sense of the American people,” ……. “I believe we’re going to win Florida because I believe people, when it comes right down to it, they don’t want higher taxes.”

These re-pubs keep going on about higher taxes. How important is that compared with the fact that opponent Barack Obama has NEVER OWNED A DOG?

It’s true. Look it up. It has sent people close to Joe into agonies of political self-doubt.

[I like the Fox for breakfast. It is probably the best place within two miles of Bones HQ. But I have two reservations: 1. They always add, unsolicited, bits of fruit on the side of your plate, and 2. I think one of the waitresses is an emo. More on this later.]

Those multi-million dollar properties for sale in Ortega, Riverside and Avondale might be a little easier to shift if sellers were to take a leaf out of this Brit’s book. Unable to sell his 2 million dollar home, he is adding an incentive. His Lambo:

Also available in lime green.

But, as always, there’s a catch. You might think you were pretty smart getting a piece of property in England and some sweet wheels into the bargain. But this Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder is NOT the SE (Special Edition) version.

I say again, it is not the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder SE.

If it were, the new owner could rest safe in the knowledge that all the design flaws had been worked out. WIKIPEDIA tells us:

Mechanically, the SE addresses many of the criticisms of the original Gallardo; the steering is quicker and more responsive, the transmission gear ratios have been adjusted to better suit the V10, and the E-gear now has a “thrust mode” to optimize acceleration, and the car’s power has been increased to 520 hp (388 kW). The SE has a higher top speed of 315 km/h or 196 MPH, and it accelerates to 100 km/h (62 mph) in 3.8 seconds. Only 250 units of the Gallardo SE were built. All the mechanical upgrades of the SE, however, will be included in all 2006+ Gallardos (excluding the two-tone bodywork).

I should also note that if you think you are going to outrun the police in London, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels-style, think again. The Five-Oh over there are driving these:

We. Own. The. Road.

Yep, that’s right.

The SE.