rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

When I first heard of the uproar in New York over an Air Force One lookey-likey flying low over the city for a photo op, I was inclined to dismiss it, citing Bones Rule #3 (“Everyone is outraged about everything. All the time”). This inclination grew stronger when I heard of the reaction of that blowhard Mayor Bloomberg, stamping his feet and snorting.

Then I saw the footage from on the ground:

This brought home to me precisely how visceral the reaction of New Yorker’s must have been. It is the White House and the Pentagon’s responsibility to take this into account and plan for it (a simple public service announcement would have sufficed), but they didn’t, so the man responsible, Louis Caldera, wins rivercityvibe’s Assclown of the Week. Well done, Louis.

Caldera is the Director of the White House Military Office. There have been calls for him to resign, or be fired. Frankly, if the Director of the CIA didn’t resign after 9/11, and the Secretary of Defense didn’t resign after the failure to find WMD in Iraq, there’s probably no case for this. Right? That’s the way we roll, these days? Nobody need resign. Ever.

But he is an assclown, nevertheless.

I know you know about Bones’ Rule #3, which states that “Everyone is outraged about everything, all the time”, but you may be less familiar with the Big One: Bones’ Rule # 1.

Bones’ Rule # 1 is “Fact is always funnier than fiction. Always.” As I have noted before, if you have an eye for the ridiculous, you can spend a life in state of mirth (which is similar to a state of grace, but with more chance of accidental urine discharge…….). This is how I spend my life folks. I can recommend it.

The latest thing I have found that plays to this is this picture of Sylvester Stallone showing his young daughters the antiquities of Rome.

I mean, it is him, right….?

What are the chances that the Romans had their own version of Sly, wandering around Pompeii, perhaps, dangerously eyeing the volcano…. “if tha’ volcano goes up, I’ll give it a war you won’t believe……..”

The fools have changed the rules for the next season of America’s Next Top Model, allowing ladies under 5’7″ in height to enter.

Speaking as someone who has NEVER dated anyone under 5’9″, I have to say this was a schoolboy error. All manner of womanhood, from raggedy ol’ strippers to chubby little office workers, are swarming out of the suburbs and mountain villages, CVS-bought tooth polish on their remaining teeth, all hoping that Tyra Banks will give them their big break. This, inevitably, resulted in immediate disaster. At the audition:

Apparently there was some bullshit about a car overheating and potentially exploding going on in these peoples’ minds, and while we cannot blame New Yorkers for worrying about the terror threat, the absence of grace, poise and tranquility (surely traits of a top model?) were rather telling. Apparently six people were taken to ER and the only three that saw the situation’s comedy potential were arrested for “inciting a riot”. The audition was called off.

But there’s more. Remember Bones Rule #3 ? The one that states that everybody is outraged about everything, all the time? You do? Good, because it applies here too. A number of the fatties who were standing in line have called upon Tyra Banks to reschedule the audition, threatening legal action if she does not. The NY Daily News, has this to say:

Do right by us, Tyra!

If you don’t, you’ll be America‘s next top villain.

That’s what scores of berserk beauties said Sunday as they sent pleas to Tyra Banks, urging her to give them another chance to become America’s Next Top Model after a Saturday cattle call turned into a stampede.

“I want Tyra to realize that we were cheated, and it wasn’t fair,” cried Babyann Hernandez, 20.

“I’m tired, angry, hurt, confused, and I didn’t even get to try out,” she told the Daily News.

Does anyone ever feel that we live in the land of Oz, or Toytown, or that place from that one movie with Jessica Rabbit in it?

There is a prize for anyone who can send me a picture of Babyann Hernandez, the America’s Top Model hopeful. Seriously. A good prize. Worth having.

This is not a political post, more a sad comment on the state of our national politics from my vantage point on the banks of the St. Johns. I am talking of course about the latest nonsense relating to media personality Rush Limbaugh, the prescription drug-addicted, thrice-divorced, bastion of “conservative values” who  deigns to tell 20 million willing listeners what to think every day.

"He's fat! He's round! He bounces on the ground! His name is Rush! His name is Rush!

As entertaining as Rush Limbaugh is (and he is an entertainer, as indicated by A. His clown-like shape and B. his, errr,  prime time talk radio show….),  and, as much as I will go to my grave defending his right to broadcast as he does, the current situation which has led a RNC Chairman to publicly apologize to him, is nothing short of a national disgrace.  For his part in this, Michael Steele must be condemned as a lily-livered blemish on the face of the republican party. In any properly-functioning democracy his failure to stand his ground and his craven willingness to kow-tow to the media in this way would disqualify him from holding any important office ever again … but I digress. This post is about Rush.

You see, as a conservative of sorts, I am at a loss as to what people see in him. He is interesting to listen to – from a sociological or even psychological viewpoint and I am even prepared to believe he is a genuinely nice guy. But his credibility as a true conservative is pretty questionable. He is clearly a man of appetites. I bet nobody could call his diet “conservative”.

He is also a famous drug addict. And he reportedly engaged in criminal behavior to secure those drugs (interestingly, in one of his court cases, his sworn enemy* the ACLU filed an amicus brief supporting him. Good material….). He is a constant smoker of cigars having been lauded as an aficionado in the press. His addiction to women is equally well-chronicled. He has been married three times and is currently dating a lovely lady half his age called Kathryn Rogers. I wonder what first attracted her to the millionaire Rush Limbaugh? Here she is:

With her boyfriend...

She says making love to Rush is like having an armoire fall on her with the key sticking out.

I made that last bit up.

Anyway, consider this a college assignment: Rush Limbaugh: A Man of Appetites (Discuss).