rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I miss the days when Britney Spears was super hot. Lately, your mom turns me on more. So it is with some misgivings that I, for the first time on rivercityvibe, (drum roll please, Alan**) post an up-to-date picture of Britney in a bikini. I do this for educational purposes. I hope to stimulate a national debate. I leave it in your hands. Do with it what you will.

Apart from the granny panties, I call that not at all bad.

* I use the word “literally” in the way that very stupid people do, to mock them, basically.

** Like I know anyone called Alan. As if. What am I, a bus driver?

We were all shocked at how Britney Spears’ behavior over the last couple of years managed to inadvertently rehabilitate the reputation of her ex-husband K-Fed, changing public perception of him as a money-grabbing layabout of limited talent, to  “the sensible parent”, rooted and clear-headed,  with only their childrens’ best interests at heart.

It’s been a long road back for Spears. Her new tour has just launched in New Orleans and she is looking good. K-Fed, on the other hand……. well, I’ll let the pictures tell the story:

"I wish I had a penis"

K-Fed now to be known as Well-Fed

I mean, what is it with these two? Do they share a groceries budget? One gets to eat and one doesn’t, at any one time?

You will recall my despondency at the latest twists and turns in the Britney Spears trainwreck. I bemoaned the fact that she used to be UNBELIEVEABLY hot, but lately, I wouldn’t have touched her with yours…..

Well, there have been some developments. Unless I receive proof within the next 24 hrs that the following video was possible only through alien abduction and changeling substitution, I am putting Britney back on the Bedside List.

Near the bottom, to play it safe.

Nice one, Britney. Now stay away from Starbucks and let’s keep this going.

Various sources report that stills said to be taken from a celebrity sex tape starring Britters (taped during that period in which she went doolally and absconded to Mexico in a pink wig with a scumbag paparazzi) were made exclusively available yesterday on the 97.9 Kiss FM Jacksonville website. I saw them last night, but cannot find them on the site now. They have now become available widely on other sites though they still bear the 97.9 logo. Google it if you are interested. I could link to them, but I am going to take a rare stand on moral grounds.

Am I alone in wanting all this madness to end? I wish that we could turn back the clock. Bring the wheels of time to a stop. Back to a time, when life was so much better:

Remember this girl?

Did anyone spot the Johnny Hates Jazz lyrics above?

If you did, you should be ashamed. They were beyond crap.