rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Various reports have reached me that rivercityvibe favorite, and accomplished actress, Lindsay Lohan is considering children. When I first heard this news I was, to put it mildly, panicked. Had she thought through the potential physical consequences of birthing and nursing a child? Do her fans get a say in this at all?

(*Actually, my first thought, was to fall back on my training and issue the emergency cry of “STILL!” in which all concerned must freeze in place and make no moves until the danger is cleared and the crisis passed. Some readers will be familiar with this. 99.77% of you won’t).

Then I remembered that Lindsay is a Lesbian these days (Phew!) and is considering following in  the footsteps of her Hollywood brethren and merely purchasing a child from impoverished third world parents. Preferably already potty trained.

Relax. They are safe.

So that’s all right then. Crisis passed.

Hope remains alive…….