rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Precisely the age at which to divorce the loser Ken, invest in a new rack, and hang around Twisted Martini drunk on vodka.

In the early 2000s, we called the up-market version (for some reason) nightfighters. They’d typically lurk in  very expensive bars atop very expensive department stores. They could be found everywhere – New York, Los Angeles, London, Paris, Berlin. Even Nicosia did a hairy version. We all have some nightfighter in our history.

Great days……

You will recall some weeks ago I posted for the benefit of our foreign readers (Selamat Datang, by the way, to newcomers Malaysia!) an account of our local fauna, here in Florida. The post centered on the fact that our alligators are partial to the odd black bear, come lunchtime. Now it seems that it is not only the wild creatures that we must beware of. House pets also pose a hazard.

Not to be confused with the silicone and lipstick version

The creature above is a cougar. An actual big cat, related to lions and tigers. It should not be confused with the other  “cougar” defined as a “sexually predatory woman of advanced years, likely to be found on Thursdays at Twisted Martini”.

This is a creature designed by the maker to hunt and kill. It turns out that if you can tame one, they make quite efficient guard dogs, too. A local TV station in Miami reports:

A teen is recovering in the hospital after being mauled by a cougar.

Police said the 70-pound cougar attacked a 16-year-old girl in Northwest Miami-Dade County Saturday afternoon. The cougar, named Chaos, was secured in the back of a home … when Anthony Zittnick decided he wanted to show off the big cat to a friend, neighbors said.The owner was not home and Zittnick did not have permission to be in the house, police said.Richard Morales, a neighbor, heard the screams for help and rushed over to help. Morales said when he got there the cougar had the girl by the head. Zittnick is facing charges of burglary into an occupied dwelling.

So not only has the guy nearly killed his girlfriend (and will no doubt have to answer to the girl’s parents) but he is going to jail too. All we need is a gunshot wound, the confederate flag and a couple of tacos and this story would have everything a story about Florida needs…..