rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Once in a while Bones HQ receives an email that links to something so clever and DOWNRIGHT hilarious it get’s posted immediately. This is one of those “once in a whiles”. Let’s dispense with metaphor and dramatic symbolism and root ourselves firmly in the literal (which I usually hate). This is the literal version of Bonnie Tyler’s seminal Total Eclipse of the Heart We shall watch, then discuss:

OKay, some of my takeaways from the lyrics which are pure genius:

All references to the emo kid (as you know, I hate emos. And Hipsters). Particularly, “emo kid is throwing slo-mo dove in my face”

“And they should not fence at night or they’re going to hurt the gymnasts”

“I’m swaying side-to-side, these dancers need to stop, the gayest man on earth would call this over-the-top”

“It started out as Hogwarts now it’s Lord Of the Flies” (I’ve never heard of “Hogwarts” but I have a 1st Am. Edition of LOTF. It rocks).

“You’re making it worse”

Lag! Notice I am glossing over my recent lack of posts. All I can say is that my Bridge Demolition Skills are vastly improved, but I am off chicken and rice.

This is Shauna Sands on the beach, recently.

I’ll confess I can’t get past the Urban Outfitters beach bag. Every eleven year old emo‘s dream.

There is the usual faux furore online and in the news, about a Canadian Facebook group which promotes an event called Kick a Ginger Day. I know a couple of tough Gingers and I wouldn’t mess with them. That said, they’re helping out in the Congo currently, so are unavailable.

So basically, though you may despise them (because they smell of piss and cookies) I would not advise kicking Gingers, on this day or any other. Also, be very careful if you intend to have any sexual congress with them – set some boundaries. In my experience, there may be a few surprises down there. Enough said.

Here is Julianne Moore:

Approach with caution. Seriously.

In other news, I am considering starting a “Kick an Emo Day”.

Full disclosure – the guy in this who looks like the love child of Elvis Costello and Woody Allen is distantly related to me by blood. That is why, despite the glasses and jewfro, he is so fucking cool.

They are Midnight Youth in New York currently from New Zealand (yes, there are branches of the Bones family everywhere). They are being hyped by everyone as the next big thing and I could not agree more. Their debut single is The Letter. It is awesome. Buy it on itunes.

The only drawback is that I think one of the band is an emo.* (which I hate).

*emo watch – coming to a Jacksonville-based website near you soon!