rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

So we got to the game early. I was riding with Kenny P and McPolish. Benny Anderson off of ABBA had foolishly over-indulged the night before and was missing, believed vomiting. We were meeting up with my buddy III who is the king of this sort of celebration……

My regular thing dropped us off in her experimental water craft (which she claims was built by Israeli Special Forces for Littoral Operations in the Sea of Galilee. Maybe.) We were inserted at Jacksonville Landing. The first person we saw was this guy:

He was a Gator, for the record

I think that counts as One for the Ladies….. As we pushed further into the mayhem (via weak and pricey shots at that place that used to be Gaslights. The shots had fruit in them. so actually had the effect of sobering me up. Hardly their purpose), I began to get the impression that this year was going to be off the hook. This was 100% confirmed when I saw this:

An engineering marvel

It was a mobile, gas-pressured, three way beer bong that can deliver three cans of beer to three participants, in under three seconds.

I like them apples a lot.

The legend who was in charge of it has a future as an impresario (apparently he’ll need something. Five years of college and a sophomore already……) No sooner had I explained who I was and that all the Russians (ex-soldiers and strippers, mainly) were part of my entourage, than he grasped what he must do. He lined up three beautiful girls and arranged a demonstration. Here is my photographic essay on the subject…..

Feeding the Beast

Adopt the position

Bend zee knees (if you like)

Chin it, Padre!

Clear. Ease springs.

Each one of them earned a cheer from the crowd as they emitted, one by one, three of the most lady-like beer belches I have ever heard. They were a pleasure, beginning to end. I was rather lost in music, at this stage, so I did not get anyone’s name. Email me if you want credit, girls and boys. I am afraid it won’t count in class, though……

So that was a highlight. Incidentally, we saw the Fifth Column again. There was plenty more of the usual naughtiness. As tradition dictates, I did not attend the game, or know what the score was. I presume the Gators won……

This is the weekend we have been waiting for. AC DC playing Veterans Arena tonight, easing us in to the Florida/Georgia game tomorrow. It is going to be Pretty. Fucking. Huge.

In an effort to celebrate the enormity of the imminent mayhem, I have resolved to publish not one, but two (2) Florida Gator babes.

Incidentally, I’ll be at the tailgates, taking pictures of the celebrants as long as it is safe for me to do so – I don’t think I shared with you last year’s debacle…… It was shameful (in a good way). I have only just finished paying for the damage (both economic and moral).

So far, so good, non? Here’s her friend:

Hot dang diggety.

See you at the game……

The mighty University of Florida ‘Gators take on the boringly-named University of Tennessee Volunteers today at home.

The Vols coach, Lane Kiffin, has been talking big. Basically he has been claiming that UT will take UF down – take them down to China town!

It seems unlikely, to be honest. I don’t know how Lane Kiffin stacks up as a prognosticator, seer, or soothsayer (or even as a coach). As a selector of Life Partners, however, he pretty much dominates college football.

Here is his spouse, the delectable Layla Kiffin:

It’s important to note, I think, that Layla is a UF grad and her father an All-American quarterback for UF (and later as UF coach). She claims she’s all about the Vols these days, but it’s the Gator Nation we’re talking about here, so I doubt it. We can claim her.

She’s ours.

I met Joakim Noah once, at a University of Florida faculty party (I get invited to these things ALL THE TIME by fascinated professors and feel I have to turn up every now and again. Now I think of it, that’s probably the reason that Joakim was there too). We spoke. His conversation was like my basketball (the occasional score but mostly inconsequential dribbling). I did come away with the impression that this young man would go far and I am, a few years on, being proved right.

Now a center for the Chicago Bulls, he splits his time between Florida and Chicago. When in Florida he likes to hang with beautiful women. He prefers them topless and in the ocean.

He has something of a Snoop look going on in these pics. If you want to see the entire NSFW (this puritan nation kills me) paparazzi shots click HERE.

Our representative in Washington DC, Ms. Corrine Brown (D FL) has been getting a lot of online exposure lately. I first met Ms. Brown when she pushed in front of me in the line for security at Jax International* Airport. I didn’t know who she was, at first, but I noticed that she had HUGE holes in her hose already (it was 7.30 am). I formed a low opinion of her, which I later revised when I heard her speak in DC. She was not bad at all, in fact. Clearly cared about her constituents and was plain-speaking with no bullshit. Though I did wonder if, perhaps, she had a screw loose……..

Now I have seen the footage below, I wonder no longer. This weird gown she is wearing is evidence enough, but the text of her speech and its delivery leave me in no doubt. We’ve got a live one!

This kind of nuttiness is to be celebrated, not vilified y’all. I thank God for our comedy leaders every single day.

(*international in that we fly to the Bahamas. For two weeks in the summer….)

We are the champions.

Continuing our dubious theme of “classic” music, here is the late lamented Freddie Mercury, playing the piano in his undies. It’s a tribute to the University of Florida Gators (and, if I know Freddie, Tim Tebow in particular………)

Saturday was a day that will be remembered in infamy by my regular thing. It was she who had to scrape me off the tarmac outside the YMCA whence I had wandered, apparently, from the Landing, which I had reached, evidently, via some watercraft or other after a prolonged tailgating session…….

Needless to say, the tailgating was beyond awesome. The festive mood was off the dial and Gator’s and Dawgs alike approached the celebrations in a mood of mutual admiration and commitment to shared fellowship.

Well some of them did. Others, like these guys below,  sought to subvert the whole deal by masquerading as Dawgs when they were really dyed-in-the-wool Gators. They effectively established a fifth column among Dawg supporters:

Consorting with the enemy?

All is revealed

I am already looking forward to next year.

What’s that?

You want to know the score?

You mean who won the game?

I haven’t a clue. Google it.

My business interests had me moving in mysterious ways downtown, last night. I rarely go there, preferring to stick close to HQ or hideout in 32210. I was BLOWN away by the preparations for the Game, Saturday. Basically, the periphery of downtown has been turned into a series of RV parks and the tailgating has begun in earnest. This is on Wednesday. The game is Saturday.

For our foreign readers (this week we welcome Lithuania and the Seychelles to the party – sveiki and Bonjou, my friends!) the big deal is the annual football game between the University of Florida Gators and the University of Georgia bulldogs. It is played in Jacksonville every year and it is chaos, pure chaos. In a good way.

My camera went missing recently, (in circumstances that indicate the possible involvement of a meth head – more on the investigation and planned retribution to follow), so I was unable to take my own pics. The local rag is running a series:

Pandemonium

Obviously, in common with most of Jacksonville, I won’t actually be going to the game, but I WILL be going to the tailgate and I’ll be taking a (new) camera. Keep your eyes open for me. If you are ridiculous enough, you could be featured on…. rivercityvibe!

Many of us in the rivercityvibe community have little love for Democratic attack dog James Carville.

But the redneck in all of us will appreciate this:

Aware, as always, that we have readers all over the world (including Tuvalu) and that they might have problems with Carville’s Cajun accent, I translate here:

“Absent some unforeseen circumstance, he [McCain] can call the dogs in, wet the fire and leave the house. The hunt’s over.”

[NOTE: Carville’s alma mater is Louisiana State University (LSU). What’s special about LSU?

Nothing at all.

Except for they lost to the Gators, Saturday.

If you would like to read about it, there’s a nice article in yesterday’s Washington Post, entitled, Gators Easily Take out Tigers

Geaux Gators!]