rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I’m kidding. It is going to be unbelieveably, crazily, brilliant. I have never been more sure of anything. I am talking about The Expendables, the new Sylvester Stallone high-action movie which co-stars Jason Statham, Jet Li, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Bruce Willis.

Did you get all that? All it is missing is Michael Caine. I can actually do without a smoking babe in a movie like this, but “Sly” has that covered. Welcome to rivercityvibe, Giselle Itié:

This was not supposed to be a babe post. She just snuck in, the naughty minx. It happens to me all the time. Anyway, back to talking about the the war film (which I love to do). A plot synopsis goes like this:

…an explosive action thriller about a group of hard-nosed mercenaries who are double-crossed during a treacherous mission. Approached by the shadowy Church to overthrow tyrannical South American dictator General Gaza (David Zayas) and restore… order to the troubled island country of Vilena, stoic soldier of fortune Barney Ross (Stallone) rounds up an unstoppable team that includes former SAS soldier and blade specialist Lee Christmas (Jason Statham); martial arts expert Yin (Jet Li); trigger-happy Hale Caesar (Terry Crews); cerebral demolitions expert Toll Road (Randy Couture); and haunted sniper Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran who never misses his mark.

The words “blade specialist” and “haunted sniper” have a special resonance for lovers of war films. They send a dog-whistle message and the message is “fucking awesome”. Here’s the trailer:

I read more of the plot summary. Apparently there is a rogue CIA operator, as well.

Jackpot!

[One small concern. they seem to be wearing berets at one point in the trailer. Please let them them be shaped properly. Or they look shit. Bad berets nearly ruined The Wild Geese for me.]

While we’re on the subject of celebrities whose lives are in the shitter, let’s talk about Mickey Rourke. At one stage, Angel Heart was near the top of my all time great movie list (it has two of my favorite things in it – female nudity and voodoo). He was also in 9 1/2 Weeks, which was, to an eighties child, pretty much the last word in erotic titillation. Like Strap on Midget is for today’s kids……

Anyway, he’s been away on the usual spiral of drug-fueled self-indulgence for the last twenty (count ’em) years. Various newspapers report that he has now got his act together (the fact that he has NO money may have helped) and is all set for an Oscar nomination for his part in upcoming wrestling flick, errrr, The Wrestler*:

Apparently, it is a dead cert for some kind of recognition. The  trailer below reveals a movie big on crying and pathos. On the upside, there are strippers in it:

I was going to make some crack about his facial appearance these days, but as it is evidently a congenital condition, I won’t…..

As it is not the kind of movie I would automatically recommend to you, I intend to see it before y’all. So as to give you thumbs up or thumbs down.

That’s how much I love you.

(*Already out in some theaters. I have to put this or the movie geeks will bombard me with sneering emails. It’s not all beer and babes, this job, you know…….)