rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself in a different place…… A place where every hero and every villain you have ever known, from TV and film, comic books, video games and novels by the likes of Tolkien and Rowling, have come together.

They’re all there, from crowd-pleasers like Spiderman and Wonder Woman, through to obscure characters from the Lord of the Rings. Those crazy aliens from Starship Troopers stand cheek by jowl with Ewoks and terrible baddies.

Like that one guy from X-Men – you know the one.

You’ve done that right? You’re imagining all of those heroes and villains. All of the ones you have ever known, in one place right?

Good.

Now imagine each and every one of them has put on 40 lbs – mainly around the midriff.

That’s Dragon*Con, folks.

Sums it up, really.....

My need to attend this EXTRAORDINARY event had its origins about eight years ago.

At the time, I had some business to attend to in Atlanta’s Peachtree Center. I forget precisely what it was, but I fancy it had something to do with ammunition-carrying mules in Tora Bora.… Anyway, I had turned up for the meeting, as is my habit, very early. I felt a little peckish, so I took the elevator down to the sprawling food court in an attempt to find something edible.

As I stood in line for food, I sensed a certain oddness. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it hit me. In plain sight, ahead of me in line, were two Gandalfs, an Orc, a sub-species of Gronk, and Ron Weasley.

I really was not prepared for that. For a moment, I thought my frappucino had been spiked….. In actual fact I was merely (merely!) experiencing the very first day of Dragon*Con. The web yields this:

Dragon*Con is the largest multi-media, popular culture convention focusing on science fiction and fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film in the US.

As soon as I realized the truth, I knew that one day, whenever it might be, I simply had to attend myself. That year was this year.

And attend I did. Though I stood in line for two hours on Friday buy 100 bucks worth of ticket, I really needn’t have bothered. There were all the mockery opportunities a man could dream of just wandering around the FOUR downtown hotels (Hyatt, Hilton, Marriott and Sheraton).

I didn’t attend any of the events (they were completely incomprehensible to me anyhow. What, pray, is a Cthulhu? And no, I fucking do not want a “quick game of Munchkin“….)

I wandered around with a couple of carefully selected sidekicks, maintaining my famous edge with Vodka and Red Bull. The other attendees were harmless. Actually quite nice, some of them. But, boy, they were earnest. I would not have thought it possible to take oneself seriously while dressed up as Super Mario, but evidently it is…..

Then there were the Ladies of Dragon Con. Surprisingly, many met the required standard (some, though, decidedly DID NOT). It might be something about their weaponry (fnar fnar……) but the odd one or two kind of rocked in their weird geek way.

I promise to post pictures of the best within the next couple of days. Stand by…….