rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I used to admire Graydon Carter. I admired him for founding Spy, a magazine that had a profound influence on my life at an impressionable age. I admired him for having the guts to mock everyone (though mainly Donald Trump), and I admired him for having the style to enjoy himself while he was doing it. But I confess, during his years as Editor-in-Chief at Vanity Fair, the bloom rather left the rose for me.

You see, to my mind, the mocking of celebrity all too rapidly became a fawning over it. The Vanity Fair party at the Oscars, over which Carter presides like an Ottoman prince, became the thing he was “known for”. And high-profile gossip from folks like Toby Young made him look like a bit of a prick.

With today’s publication in the Daily Beast of an interview with actor Rupert Everett, I may just have been granted the permission I need to admire Graydon again…… When interviewer Kevin Sessums (irritatingly mannered-style….) points out that Everett is listed as a contributing editor on the masthead of Vanity Fair, Everett replies:

I know. Who does one have to fuck to get OFF that masthead? He’s such a weird character, that [Vanity Fair Editor in Chief] Graydon [Carter]. He’s certainly not the buffoon he looks like. This is the most amazing thing I found out about him. I was once staying at a hotel and I was in the room directly under his. He is an amazing fuck. And you can quote me on this. The screams coming from the woman were some of the purest sounds of pleasure I’d ever heard. And there I was sitting alone in my room unfucked. Suddenly it all made sense. That messy hair of his that I always thought was buffoon hair was buffoon hair hiding a monster cock. The next day I went down to breakfast and Graydon came in and I thought to myself, well, now I understand why you are always acting so entitled and walking on air even though you’re rather fat. It’s because grazing the grass between your legs is this appendage of yours. I did rather politely tell him that morning that I thought he was a very good fuck.

Priceless material. I like it when he says “And you can quote me on this”. I am going to show it to my mom, who I hope will then forgive then-model Rupert Everett for influencing a young Joe Bones to tear fashionable holes in a brand new pair of Levi 501s she had just bought for me……

Apparently Madonna wore millions of dollars worth of jewelry at the Oscars, Sunday. OK! Magazine reports that the singer was festooned (good word) with “ice” for the ceremony and her own hosted after-party. OK! goes for a “recession” angle for the story.

Not as haggard as usual. But quite hairy.

Apparently, the Material Girl (see what I did there?) wore:

– A black and white diamond chain with 500 carats of the shiny stones
 (here)
– A diamond bangle with 25 carats of diamonds and platinum
 (here)
– An onyx and diamond bracelet with 50 carats of diamonds  
(here)
– A pair of diamond pear shape earrings of 20 carats each
 (here and here)
– A square diamond and onyx ring

 (here)

Of course sort of thing pales into insignificance compared to the baubles I recently bestowed upon my Regular Thing. Edible jewelery is not just for kids, anymore…….

Klum has featured a great deal on these pages, for good reason. She is beautiful, goofy and kind-of-cool, (in a married-to-Seal kind of a way). She is also unreservedly and undeniably German. Her Aryan genes were never more in evidence that at last night’s Oscars where she eschewed her usual hairstyle in favor of a plastered-down blond look that reminded me of that one girl, the Nazi collaborator, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:

Ve hav vays of etc

As I look at this picture I can, ever so faintly, hear the strains of Lili Marlene….. I could almost be there….. west of Benghazi……. on Road Watch…….

Underneath the lantern by the barrack gate
Darling I remember the way you used to wait
Twas there that you whispered tenderly
That you loved me
You’d always be
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

Resting in a billet just behind the line
Even tho’ we’re parted your lips are close to mine
You wait where that lantern softly gleams
Your sweet face seems to haunt my dreams
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

When we are marching in the mud and cold,
And when my pack seems more than I can hold
My love for you renews my might
I’m warm again
My pack is light
It’s you Lili Marlene
It’s you Lili Marlene

I was distracted by Goldie Hawn’s MILF Rack a little during last nights Oscars Ceremony. Many people have made snide comments about her chest in the past, but I’m fine with it:

Remember, stylists, "lift and separate"

The Las Vegas Style Examiner had some catty comments to make about Hawn. Apparently someone does not like her dress. To highlight this, they added some made-up words to the usual baby-talk that passes as journalism in these circles. In this case a lady called Susan Stapleton wrote:

A couple things could have fixed Goldie Hawn’s look: some type of shapewear underneath, a bit larger dress on top so that her breasts weren’t smashed. But learn something from this look. Your chest never should look this smooshed on the red carpet.

Seriously, that’s barely recognizable as English.

[by the way, I have just browsed every photo available online of Style Editor Susan Stapleton. She is kind of hot, actually, but the way she dresses hardly gives her a mandate to criticize others in her 6th grade English. And, from what I can tell, her tits are nothing to write home about, either.]

Watching Eve Marie Saint participating in the Oscars (she’s 85 years old) reminds me of one of my top ten favorite pop songs of all times, which mentions her. It’s the incomparable Lloyd Cole and the Commotions and their seminal tune, Rattlesnakes:

Jodie wears a hat although it hasnt rained for six days
She says a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
Shes less than sure if her heart has come to stay in san jose
And her neverborn child still haunts her
As she speeds down the freeway
As she tries her luck with the traffic police
Out of boredom more than spite
She never finds no trouble, she tries too hard
Shes obvious despite herself
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She says all she needs is therapy yeah
All you need is, love is all you need
Jodie never sleeps cause there are always needles in the hay
She says that a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
As she reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
Her heart, hearts like crazy paving
Upside down and back to front
She says ooh, its so hard to love
When love was your great disappointment

Rest assured, faithful,  I will be going to town on the Oscars tomorrow morning. Topics will include the utter assholishness of Seacrest, and Hawn’s milf-rack.