rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

As we approach North Florida’s seven month long summer, I want to offer a word of warning about the perils of sunbathing. Falling asleep on the beach after a liquid lunch at Pete’s can have dire effects. Kardashian Sr. found out the hard way and decided (impressively) to post the evidence on her Twitter account:

Her rack escaped relatively unscathed. Phew.

Speaking of Twitter, I twat regularly. To follow Joe Bones click HERE

One of my favorite things about Jacksonville is the fact that you can go to Pete’s at Neptune Beach at 9 am on Thanksgiving day and drink beer and Bloody Marys through until 2 pm. Sure it means leaving 32210 and crossing the ditch, but it is worth it. All sorts turn up, from the usual Pete’s ne’er do wells, to the beau monde of Jacksonville society. I went with one of my best drinking cronies and took some pictures.

Love it.

Pete's Native American contingent

The two girls above are named Summer Camp and Wind Dancer. They are Cherokee and Seminole, respectively, and COMPLETELY RULE……

Veronica's Veil

Jordyn and Randy from Veronica’s Veil put in an appearance. rivercityvibe will speak a lot more about these legends before they abandon these shores for Barcelona (you heard it here first). Jordyn was with her sister, who is EXTREMELY hot.

Very festive, Lori!

Lori had COMMITTED to the celebration. No prisoners.

Brock rocks.

Brock was there, dressed after his usual fashion. We spent a long time discussing the fact that “Brock” is Old English for Badger.

Nicole and Allison. Something of a breath of fresh air......

We ran into Allison and Nicole on our way out. They have the rivercityvibe in spades. God bless ’em…….

[For our readers who are not fortunate enough to live in the river city I should point out that Pete’s is as famous as bars get, having featured in literature from Hemingway to Grisham (read The Brethren). It is also a proper bar, where people go to drink. Rare enough in these parts and in this day and age, and a concept that I wholeheartedly support].

Happy Thanksgiving!

Before I recount the tale of the awesome time I had at Pete’s at Neptune Beach, this Thanksgiving, I must first tell you about the BIZARRE and unsettling experience I had last year.

It quite freaked me out at the time.

As is the Bone’s Tradition, I give the staff the day off and eat Thanksgiving Lunch out. For years we used to go to the Ritz Carlton, Amelia Island (via Pete’s, naturally), but I was increasingly unimpressed, so last year, for the first time, we switched to Casa Monica, in St. Augustine.

In many ways, it was perfect. Fine food, fine wines and a great atmosphere of effortless luxury. Well worth the 30 minute drive alongside drunks on A1A.

Weirdos as guests.

My family and I drank stimulating drinks in their beautiful bar, before being escorted to our table in the sweet spot of the restaurant. It was about 2 pm. As we passed by our fellow diners, an older member of my party stopped to admire a tiny baby in a bassinet, next to a table. We seated ourselves and I began to scan the wine list.

My older relative seemed perturbed. I looked at him, he leaned forward and said, sotto voce, “Is that baby okay. It looks blue.” I looked over, the presumed mother (who was older than one would have expected) seemed unconcerned, she was tucking the child in, and speaking softly to it. Unsure how to express our concerns, I called over the maitre’d and tactfully inquired as to whether, in his opinion, everything was alright. He rolled his eyes, and explained, under his breath, that these concerns had been expressed by various diners for the past couple of hours, he had investigated and (stand by for this) had ascertained that the baby was in fact a lifelike doll, manufactured to look like a premature newborn.

I raised an eyebrow, “Pardonez moi?”

He repeated what he had said. He added that he had recently escorted a tearful nine year old girl and her parents from the premises after the girl freaked out because the “child” was “not breathing”. He noted that the “mother” refused to acknowledge that the doll was anything but real…..

I looked at our fellow diners. Some of them wore strained expressions – presumably those in the know….. After the initial disbelief wore off, some of my party began to laugh, uncontrollably and loud. I on the other hand, conscious of my duty to my public, got up and headed for the bassinet to mock and take pictures.

That ain't right.......

I questioned the “mother” and she seemed relatively normal, as long as you did not venture too near the”child” or discuss the fact that “it” was a doll – then she became unhinged. I should also note (and I will forever blame myself for not getting a picture) that her male dining companion was odd, too. He had a bowl haircut and a large mustache that made him appear, well, Belgian, if you know what I mean? My regular thing noted that, though surrounded by delicious food of all kinds, he seemed to be limiting his intake to plate after plate of collared greens……..

I have since researched this “fake baby” phenomenon (they are known as “reborns”). There is an excellent explanatory story on MSNBC, which tells all. Read it HERE.

Lunch was outstanding, by the way. I had obligations, this year, but it will be Casa Monica everytime, from now on………