rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I remember the movie The Bodyguard starring Whitney Houston (in her pre-crack and valium days) making it PRETTY darn clear that close-protection agents were expected to interpose their bodies between an assailant and the individual they were protecting. This was commonly interpreted to mean that bodyguards should be ready to “take a bullet” to protect their charges.

I think recent events in Baghdad have busted that myth RIGHT OPEN. The fatties on President Bush’s security detail weren’t even prepared to take a SHOE, full on, let alone a bullet.

I’ve done some math.

The muzzle velocity of a standard handgun using 9×19 Parabellum ammunition propels a bullet at between 1000 and 1300 feet per second. The average tired and angry Iraqi journalist propels his shoes at about 12 feet per second. He also has to reload by bending over and picking up the other one (provided of course that he has “made ready” by undoing his shoelaces…….). If the Secret Service can’t even react competently within this sort of time frame,  how will they handle a gunman?

Check out this UTTERLY PATHETIC response to the biggest personal security threat of the Bush Presidency:

See those guys coming in through the backdoor, wiping donut crumbs from their mouths? Elite close protection agents…….

Much the same as in Johnny Drama’s 90210 condo, Joe Bones’ 32210 home sports a copy of Variety on the coffee table. I find it useful for keeping up with the activities of the various movers and shakers out west and I trust their movie reviews which have an ‘insider’ feel to them.

Variety’s review of Oliver Stone’s “W.” is out today and although not what you would call glowing, it whets the appetite for what is, clearly, going to be a HILARIOUS treatment of our President’s eight-years at the helm.

Remember, this is an Oliver Stone movie. Can we say Platoon? Natural Born Killers? Born of the Fourth of July? The fucking Doors?!   It cannot be dismissed the way we routinely dismiss the lard-ass Moore‘s lame propaganda efforts. Variety says:

Opening with a post-9/11 cabinet meeting in the Oval Office in which the phrase “axis of evil” was concocted, then jumping back in time to begin a procession of key events in the life of a privileged party boy with something to prove, Stone and his “Wall Street” scenarist Stanley Weiser position the film, above all, as a father-son story. Long uncertain what his role in life is meant to be, the young George W. is severely chastised by his patrician father for his wayward behavior — “What do you think you are, a Kennedy?,” blares George Sr. (James Cromwell) after one of his son’s drunken escapades — but is nonetheless always let off the hook and given another chance by his father…..

In case you can’t tell, I am really looking forward to this. Apparently Richard Dreyfuss plays Dick Cheney to a ‘T’. Her’s the trailer:

Go and see it. It is out October 17, 2008. If you are going to see it at AMC Orange Park, please take the usual precautions.