rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Okay. The Labor Day Weekend is behind us. I have had an adventure, I can tell you. Before I go into detail about the fuck-show that was DragonCon (I was nearly run through by a +1 broadsword for mocking. Seriously. And I only just dodged a Magic Missile), I want us to look at our core material, namely hot super models in bikinis.

I think of them as guides on our journey toward lifestyle optimization. They fulfill much the same role in my life as the enlightened monks do in the lives of my Buddhist buddies. Here is one. She is a very kind person, so looking at her chest will not affect your karma in any way…..

This is Katrina Darrell. Also known as Bikini Girl. I think I know why.

Stay with us, this week is going to rock on rivercityvibe.

I mentioned Jon Gosselin (philanderer and IVF fanatic) in my last post. My implication was that he was a no-good asshole, who selfishly abandoned his eight children in order to fulfill his own warped needs, mainly sexual.

What? You didn’t get all that?

Well that’s what I was implying.

Anyway, it turns out that his evil plan is working, and, I must admit, he appears to have rebooted his sex life very successfully. This is how he rolls, these days…..

I like that one. The pink one, bottom left

For those who have been wondering where I have been for the last few weeks, I am afraid it will take a presidential finding for me to disclose that. Let’s just say, it was very scary and involved shrunken heads.

We are entering a new GOLDEN AGE for rivercityvibe, my children. Did you know you can now read us on jacksonville.com?

Well you can.

Much more to follow. Including my report from DragonCon, which I am attending in order to mock.

No shit…….

I have already (naturally) commented on the recent double-awesome Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Since then, my agents further south have been constantly sending me new shots of various VS models using their downtime wisely on the beach. I have ignored these, choosing not to post them as part of my new commitment to a more equitable approach to postings. This involves balancing pictures of comely frippets with items that appeal to male and female readers equally.

I’m a closet feminist, see?

Anyway, I had to post the following freak-of-nature. It appears that one of the models, a Ms. Karolina Kurkova has been cavorting on the beach…. without a belly-button. Evidence follows:

Now, that ain’t right. I am pretty sure they burn people alive for such deformities in Palatka. The folks at the BBC have a technical and deathly boring explanation for it all. I love the comment made by Kurkova’s agent:

Ms Kurkova has not spoken publicly about how she came to have a smooth navel, and all her agent will say is “she’s not an alien”.

Now, I am told by people who know, that the first rule in handling situations like this is “never repeat the negative”. The example always used is of Richard Nixon. When he said, I am not a crook!” we knew he was a crook. In this case, the fact her agent has said, “she is not an alien” has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is not of this world.

But, let’s face it, she could be eating mice like the lizards off V and It wouldn’t make a bit of difference if she visited my wigwam.

Billy Smart & Co have just voted on, and, this time, deigned to pass the bill that effectively bails out rich Wall Street speculators with our money. I never let you face these times alone, so am posting the following for two reasons:

1.     You need a morale-boost.

2.      It is ad for insurance – finance – therefore we’re remaining on-topic.

I have also had some emails accusing me of being (ahem…)   ‘un-masculine’, citing the last  two posts……..

Buy some insurance. Seriously. Keep that marketing budget solvent……..

I have lost the will to live. It turns out that one of Joe’s babes foolishly got married this weekend. My agents tell me that the lovely Scarlett Johansson married a Canadian, in Canada, on Saturday.

May I remind readers that Scarlett is tipped to play the lead role in the upcoming biopic of 80’s TV legend Jenna Jameson.

Pamela is stacked.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.................

I promise to post something for the fairer sex next week. Matthew McConaughey or something. These ‘rack’ posts are in danger of becoming an obsession.

For those of us whose role in life is to mock, the celeb wars of recent years have been like manna from heaven. You may recall that prior to Paris Hilton’s arrest (for whatever it was) and her subsequent pathetic performance whilst incarcerated (If I was her publicist I would have arranged a pre-prison conduct-after-capture course with the SEALS), all the attention was on Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan. Who is the most popular, who is most worthy of our admiration?

It was around this time that some losers in Jacksonville got rather carried away. Who can forget the ill-fated Club Paris at the Landing.

Embarrassing ain’t the word.

Anyway, I have got to say, I have always been squarely for Lindsay. For a start, she is an actress, has been to drama school, taken lessons. For the movies she has made she has been paid millions of dollars. Earnings.

Paris, on the other hand, has a rich dad.

But there are other key reasons, why I much prefer Lyndsay to Paris:

And don’t say this post is sexist. Because its not.