rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I generally get wine delivered by the case to Bones HQ. It is a system that can be automated, so I do not have to rely on my sundry minions to make choices for me. Thus I avoid the traumatic clusterfucks of the past (Chinese Sparkling Wine-Drink? I think not, Donald).

Occasionally, however, I am missing something from my cellar. A couple of days ago, it was noted by my Regular Thing that we had run out of Muscat which had been earmarked for “dessert” (we were giving dinner to some business magnates who had flown in, eager to hear my post-France report. They rely on me for updates on various matters of significance…..). When these situations arise there is only one person to see: Bernie, at Wine Warehouse, on Edgewood.

Now I love wine (and most other boozes). But I adore beer. That’s a fact. So, imagine my delight when my Regular Thing came back, not only with the required Muscat, but also with a beer I have never tried before. Now try and imagine my joy when it turned out to be DOUBLE AWESOME!

A Delicious Beverage

I would say, actually, that I enjoyed this Lagunitas IPA more than a Dogfish Head IPA (60, I mean. The others cannot be beat). I know that India Pale Ales are massively over-exposed at the moment, but I am excusing myself by simply stating that they are particularly delicious…….

Go and see Bernie and get half a dozen of these badgers. You won’t regret it.

This headline is one of my favorite movie quotes of the 90s. It’s from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and is spoken when the trustafarian weed-sellers are raided by real gangsters, armed with a WWII machine-gun.

The rifle in question is an air-rifle and, needless to say, proves ineffectual. At Bones HQ we have all manner of small arms and support weapons, but have never had an air rifle.

Until now.

You see, my folks had given me the gift of money for yoga lessons (this is 100% true, by the way). I went along to Yoga Ananda, but it was closed. Next thing I know, I had blown the money on this:

How do you like me NOW?

It’s the Crosman Phantom 1000 .177 Break-Action Air Rifle with a 4 X 32 Scope and it is FANTASTIC.  I announced the news of its acquisition to my Regular Thing by email, resulting in the following exchange:

From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:28 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

I decided Yoga lessons were too ‘unmanly’, so I bought an air rifle as my gift from my mom and dad

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From: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com

Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:30 AM
To: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

you are the funniest person i have ever known.  I thought you said you wanted to improve your flexibility “to levels previously thought impossible by humans” so we could try that thing?

can you tell me what you are going to do with an air rifle???

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From: Joe@rivercityvibe.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:58 AM
To: regularthing@insanelyhotbabes.com
Subject: RE: BTW
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:35:42 -0500

Deter varmints

I mean, what was all that? Twenty questions? Actually, I (as you know) would never harm an animal. I have bought it for a specific reason which I will share with the rivercityvibe faithful in due course……..

You can buy one here, everyone.