rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

It will hardly shock you to hear that I dreamed about Lindsay, last night. You might be more surprised when you hear it wasn’t the usual one (the one when she’s naked and I’m on top of the armoire in my Batman suit). No, it was a new and altogether less fun version, which involved my regular thing and Los Angeles public transport (I know, there isn’t any in real life. My dreams tend to distort reality. For instance, this one time, I knew Kung Fu and could speak Chinese. That was actually a very cool dream. I think it was brought on by early oral administration of my customary double Ambien and Glenfiddich).

Anyway, it reminded me that we were due to check in with rivercityvibe favorite, accomplished actress Lindsay Lohan. Here she is at her recent birthday party:

A publicist working for a Brit comedian of sorts who goes by the name of Russell Brand has put out some rumors that Brand spurned Lindsay’s amorous advances recently (interestingly enough Russell Brand is also the name of a high school friend of mine who was, sadly, afflicted with both eczema and asthma. We called him Flaky Face). The rumors, however, seem unlikely. This is Brand. He look like he could do with a wash. And a haircut:

Not for nothing does he self-describe as a sort of “S&M Willy Wonka.” He looks like he would have made love to Lindsay in much the same way as Gene Wilder might have, if we’d spiked him with a quaalude.