rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

They’re dropping like flies. The bearded mathematician Billy Mays cashed in his chips, the other day. For those members of the faithful who live overseas and are clueless as to who this guy is, he’s like the shamwow guy, but without the driving urge to kick the shit out of prostitutes. Basically, if Michael Jackson was the King of Pop, Billy Mays was the king of….errrr…infomercials.

The usual source tells us:

Mays suffered from hypertensive heart disease and that … was the likely cause of his death, though a final determination as to the cause of death would not be made until toxicology and tissue tests are completed

I can imagine there’s quite a line at the VIP entrance to heaven, right now. St. Peter will be manning the guest list, demanding that potential entrants stay behind the red sash until he has verified their identities. In an effort to expedite the process Farrah Fawcett will be fluttering her eyelashes, Michael Jackson will be moonwalking and crying SHA MON at every opportunity. I like to think Billy Mays will jump straight to the front by offering St. Peter a once-in-a-lifetime, two-for-one deal on Oxiclean……….

“You couldn’t make it up” is an over-used phrase, but it is constantly at the forefront of my mind as I survey the world in which we live. It really is awesome, you know! If your senses are fine-tuned to the ridiculous, there is a never-ending stream of it to amuse you. Honestly, I spend most days weeping with laughter…..

So the latest is that ShamWow! guy, beating, and getting beaten by a hooker in Miami Beach. Quite apart from the fire this has lit under the online debate regarding sexual uses for a ShamWow! (it holds twenty times its weight in liquid etc.), the story of what actually happened is comedy gold. Smoking Gun has these pictures and the story:

The ShamWow! guy (above). His 'ho (below).

Here’s some better-than-fiction, fact:

According to an arrest affidavit, Vince Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.” Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

Kissing hookers? Hmmmmmmm………? for foreign readers, here is the original ShamWow ad:

Highlighting the fact that it is a German product and “therefore” of high quality is odd, in terms of brand association: Panzers! V-Weapons! The Condor Legion! ShamWow…….! Oh, now I see it!

I nearly mentioned human-skin lampshades.